Slither
by verucasin
Summary: OOC. AH. An outcast who had everything, but eventually lost the one thing that was truly important to him. She was back and her presence would turn his world upside down again. 'He needed her but she left him.' Mature content. E/B
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

**A/N: I do not own Twilight. **

Thank you to **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **for agreeing to help me with this story. Hugs and kisses. =)

This is my newest tale. I am posting the Prologue to see what you have to say. This will be continued after I finish with my other story, **_Isabella Swan_**, which only has another 5 chapters.

Okay, here goes.

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Prologue

The occasional whispering interrupted the silence enveloping me. The quietness was eerily unnerving and I would have preferred they fussed around me. It was better they irritate me with non-essential questioning and concern than dealing with the reality that she hadn't arrived yet. She was fucking late for our wedding.

No scratch that, she wouldn't be coming. I was sure of that now, even if my heart was rebelling that thought.

For the nth time, Emmett asked the time. And every single time he did, it was as if he was splashing cold water on me. The minutes, as they continued, just solidified what I already knew.

This was supposed to be our day. _Yeah, a fucking day for mourning._

I stood up, a glass of scotch in my hand. Amidst the chaos earlier, someone decided it was just right and brought a bottle. I should thank that someone for even thinking about this shit. I looked at my hand holding the alcohol, and I could see the tight grip I had on it. If I held it a little tighter, I was sure it would break in my hands.

I loosened my tie, feeling it suffocate me all of a sudden. It didn't matter that I didn't look the part of the perfect groom because there was not even a fucking bride. Everyone still held some hope she would arrive soon. But deep down, somewhere, they all knew this was already a lie.

She was not coming…at all. There wasn't a bride I knew that was late on her wedding day unless there was a good explanation, which should have been solved easily by the bride calling and alerting the groom - in this case, me. I took a sip of the scotch and hissed from the burn when it passed my throat.

The tension was thick and I could see they were treading lightly with me. It was as if they were afraid I would crumble down from this. Esme was trying to keep her tears at bay, while Rosalie was cursing at someone on her phone. My head was throbbing. I could feel the bile trying to come up, but I was too damn stubborn to show weakness. I huffed, willing my head to stop aching as well as my stomach to stop from churning.

The room was decorated with white lilies arranged in the most simple, but elegant way a florist could. There were even some gold specks on them. It was Alice's suggestion to the florist, and of course it had to be done. I didn't even know someone could actually put it on a petal. But it seemed thousands of dollars as payment could manage to ensure quite weird requests.

A few people were still inside the church. I wished somebody could usher them out. Not that I was concerned with what they thought of me. I never had before and I didn't plan to start now. It was just that I hated for them to witness my further humiliation. It was one thing that they talked about me, but it was a fucking blow to my ego for them to actually see my disgrace. After everything I had been through, I couldn't handle letting them know a woman was the reason for my breakdown. Damn if I would give the fuckers that satisfaction. Said people were the same damn socialites and millionaires who shunned and snubbed me when I had no money, even though I carried the name of one of their own.

I knew I would be the talk of the town. Nothing new there. Not that I even cared. As long as they stayed the hell away from me, there wouldn't be a problem. I tried to look strong, even if I was on the verge of a meltdown.

Where the hell was she? I could fucking strangle her for doing this to me.

It was getting hot, so I slammed the glass I was holding on the chair nearby and removed my tuxedo jacket; almost ripping it to shreds when I clumsily and angrily pried the fabric away. I threw the expensive suit on the floor and almost gave in to the urge to destroy it further by jumping on it. The sight of the wedding suit disgusted me.

The loud screeching sound of a car and the slamming of doors alerted me to visitors. My already exhausted heart started beating rapidly against my chest, wishing and hoping it would be her. That somehow, against all odds, she was just truly late.

But I knew that was impossible.

The idea sparked more anger in me. Because why the hell would I still be happy to fucking see her after she humiliated me like this?

Feeling the tension and agitation, everyone in the room stopped whatever it was they were doing. They had joined me in waiting for our visitors to enter the church. The doors opened to reveal it was not her. I hissed and almost growled in frustration.

_Jasper and Jacob_. They were striding toward us like angry tigers.

What the fuck were they angry about? It was Bella who ditched me at the altar.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Rose yelled. The look Jasper gave her was nothing compared to the furious ones directed at me.

"I'm here to settle a score with Edward." He was walking towards me, the tapping sound of his shoes echoing through the whole church.

I tried to remain calm, even though I was sure this was one occasion I would be allowed to do some thrashing. There was a good excuse for me to do something stupid, but I stayed where I was and downed the remaining alcohol.

It was then I realized they weren't even clothed properly for the occasion. They were dressed casually in jeans and shirts. That made me more furious. It meant they knew Bella wouldn't be coming.

Jacob looked murderous as he stood behind Jasper. Maybe he was the one who even persuaded Bella to make a no show. He was always following her like a fucking lost puppy. I wouldn't put it past him to be one of those responsible.

The audacity of Jasper to look hurt and furious after what Bella had done, did something to me. I knew I was gritting my teeth hard as I tried to reign in my anger. But before I was even able to confront them, Jasper started swinging a bat, hitting everything he could see. The flowers on the aisle were the ones that took the burnt of his wrath. The vase that held the flowers fell to the floor, smashing with a loud crash that resonated across the whole church. It was the sound of anger.

I was watching my wedding day crash and burn all over again right before my eyes.

"Stop it! You fucker, stop it!" Rose yelled, her voice ringing loud and clear as Jasper turned toward us, red-faced and sweaty from his assault. He threw the bat down, making a loud 'clank' on the marble floor. He wasn't finished because he strode toward me. I just stared at him, unflinching.

"You! You fucking asshole! You made her leave!" he spat, as if conversing with me was something he was having difficulty doing. "I fucking told you not to pursue her. Goddammit, I even begged you!"

I just arched my brow at him, clenching my fist so I wouldn't start punching his face. Oh, I wanted to punch someone, and he was a very good candidate at the moment. I felt someone's hand touching my arm, but I ignored it.

"But no, you had to have her," he said venomously. "You even made me believe you genuinely cared for her. But fuck you Edward Cullen, you go to Hell!" he spat, before he turned around and marched toward the exit. Disgust was evident on his face and his shoulders were slumped in defeat. I almost pitied him. He was the one who took care of Bella when their parents died. He was the protective brother she needed. I was the fucking asshole. The asshole who just loved her too damn much.

"Where is she?" I asked quietly, but my voice held the anger and loathe I was feeling at the moment. He turned to me slowly.

"She saw you last night," he said deathly slow and soft, but I heard him. I heard him and my heart constricted. I held my shirt as if to loosen it because I suddenly couldn't breathe. _She fucking knew! Oh, my God! No! _

Instead of concentrating on the pain, I got angry, angrier than before. I was fucking livid. I didn't fucking care about anybody else. I only cared about my pain and my humiliation, so I focused on it.

"Where the fuck is she?" My voice had raised a notch, but Jasper didn't seem threatened. He just gave me an evil lopsided smile.

"She left. Last night," he said with a satisfied grin. "I hope she won't be coming back here." I closed my eyes, trying to control my tears.

Jasper was still talking. I couldn't tune him out even if I wanted to. "You know how she is. She's never in one place for too long. It suffocates her."

But she did stay. She stayed here for a year because of me.

"I hope she is far away from here now and never comes back. You're such a pathetic, selfish asshole! I'm glad she didn't marry you!"

"What did you fucking say?" The last vestige of control I had left was snapped. I lunged for him and punched him in the nose. My anger had escalated to a new height. All I wanted was to throw a punch anywhere I could hit. The next minute was a blur of activity. When Emmet pulled me away from him, Jasper was panting and holding his nose. _Good, I punched the fucker hard!_

I could taste blood and I knew I had cut lips. They would be bruised tomorrow, but I didn't care. I was still thrashing against Emmett, wanting to fucking finish the job of wrecking Jasper's face.

"We are through, Edward!" He hissed as he wiped his nose of the dripping blood. Jacob was also restraining him. "We are fucking through! We are no longer friends!" He pulled away from Jacob before pointing his finger at me. "And don't you fucking dare follow her, you asshole!"

"Or?" I asked, wanting to taunt him. My lips were already swollen and I spit some blood on the floor.

"I will kill you." Jacob was the one who answered. I knew he loved Bella and that thought made me hiss again and move toward him. Emmett was quick to pull me back.

"Don't worry," I said with finality. "I wouldn't go anywhere near her if you paid me a million bucks!"

"Good! Just fucking stay away!" Jasper said before they turned away, leaving me more furious than when they had arrived. I slumped on the floor, feeling the weight of the world finally on my shoulders. _I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't cry!_

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**O-kay.**

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	2. Chapter 2 Break me even more

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **for all the help in this chapter. They're super fast and I love it. =)

**Slither** is loosely based on the song of Velvet Revolver with the same title. A longer explanation as to why I chose this title for this story could be found on my blog. Link is in my profile.

To **Perfectly imperfect 253**, like I promised...skip the beginning, and be wary of the last part because '_that something_' I was talking about is somewhere at the end. (I hope that's enough of a warning for you.) ;)

I want to warn you about this chapter, but I don't want to give away much. So I'll just see you at the end.

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**Chapter 2 - Break me even more**

Fisting her hair tightly, I pumped myself inside her wet and warm mouth. She was sucking like a fucking pro, and I loved it. The moans and grunts coming from her spurred me on, and I continued to fuck her mouth, never releasing the tight hold I had on her. Teeth, tongue and the warmth of her throat, plus the continued sucking motion, brought me to the edge. I didn't even warn her. I just pushed her head down closer so I was so deep in her throat I could even feel her gagging. My dick twitched and hot sticky cum spurted inside her mouth. She swallowed hungrily as if she would never have any drop of cum ever again. I held her head steady, still not relinquishing the hold on her hair. She didn't have a fucking say in this.

Not until I was ready.

Not until I was spent did I release her.

My limp cock dangled in front of her face, and she looked at it hungrily. I slumped back on the couch. She smiled and touched her lips in a soft caress. She looked smug, as if making me orgasm was an accomplishment in itself. She was not even offended at what I did.

_That's her fucking problem. She allows me to treat her that way, like shit._

She smacked her lip and started to crawl on top of my lap, her heavy breasts jiggling as she moved. I pushed her away, irritated at her boldness. She looked insulted, but I didn't care. Grabbing the pack of cigarettes on the side table, I fished one out and lit up. I took a much-needed drag from the stick just as I heard the sound of a door slamming. I chuckled and shook my head in disgust. Some women were so predictable. They sulk and bitch like there was no tomorrow, but they still end up back where they started. Sucking me. Fucking me.

I leaned my head on the couch, my face looking up at the ceiling. I stared intently at the moss green paint she had chosen for her apartment and sighed at the ugliness of the color. I closed my eyes, reveling on the feel of the nicotine passing through me. It soothed me, relaxed me. Nothing was more relaxing than a smoke after a good fuck.

This was my life now. It was not great, but it was good.

I had never before settled for anything less than what I wanted, but I had to deal with what my life had become. But still, it was good.

I could live with it.

I should live with it.

As I had known would happen, she had totally forgotten how I treated her just minutes after I did. She had returned from a shower and was only clad in a towel. Putting out the remaining cigarette, I stood and pushed past her, planning to have a shower myself, but she stopped me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to ask for more. You told me what you could give and I agreed. So I'm sorry."

I gave her a nod; she seemed to be satisfied with that. She came forward and started to lean upwards when she remembered my lips were off limits, and instead just kissed my naked chest.

"Okay, I need to get ready, Lauren. Can I grab a shower here? Or if it's too much, I can go."

"No, no. Please, it's okay," she babbled, the shock was still evident on her face. This was the first time I stayed longer than fifteen minutes after having sex with her.

"Okay then," I said, trying to keep the impatience out of my voice. I looked down to where she was still holding my wrist in her hand and waited for her to release it. She did and apologized again. She was starting to annoy me with her unending and repetitive apologies; I left before I could insult her. This was her house after all, the least I could do was be nice.

The shower vaguely invigorated me. I needed to cleanse in order to remove the stench of Lauren's strong perfume.

Before I left, she begged me to come see her again; she was becoming all clingy and soft on me. I doubted I would make time for her again. I lied and told her I would.

She accepted my response and seemed to be in high spirits after that. Maybe it was because I was such a good liar and all that.

xxxxxxxxxx

I dropped my keys and flopped on my couch face down. I was just about to doze when I heard the door open. I groaned out loud, hating the disturbance. _I'm going to fucking kill whoever it is_.

"Edward, get up!"

Rosalie's voice was irritatingly loud. I covered my ears, in an attempt to tune her out. She was relentless and started to shake me hard, increasing the throbbing in my head.

"Don't you dare hide from me," she hissed, her annoyance evident in her tone. "You're hair is still a little damp so I know you just showered."

I remained still, trying to ignore her.

"Get up or I'm going to kick you!"

Her threat wasn't to be taken lightly. I turned around and glared at her. She pulled me up so I was sitting lazily, rubbing my eyes with the palm of my hands.

"What got stuck in your ass?" I asked, irritated as hell. "You're more bitchy than ever, Rose."

She threw something at me; I frowned. It was the Sunday paper. She just cocked an eyebrow as I stared blankly at her. She gave me this irritated look and moved her head in a way that said I should scan the paper.

She was so annoying and unbelievably controlling that I sometimes wondered why I still had her as my friend. Determination was reflected in her eyes, and I knew she would stand there and wait for me the whole day if she had to. Better to do what she told me to do so we could get on with our fucking day.

"What's so fucking important with this paper?" I growled, still so pissed she disturbed my attempt to go to sleep.

"Just open it."

So I did and wished that I didn't.

The paper crunched between my hands as I held it tightly. There in the society page was a familiar face that reminded me of all the things I tried to bury, tried to forget. The picture of the happy couple made my jaw tense. The overwhelming feeling of sorrow threatened to wash over me, but I pushed it away determinedly. I tried to not be affected by it all, but the happiness radiating from my former friend's face made me realize what I had lost.

Jasper and Alice were getting married the day after his birthday. That was two weeks from now. The impending nuptial was all over Chicago. I had heard about it from acquaintances and friends. Of course, I wouldn't be witness to any of it since I wasn't invited.

I never expected to be.

What was surprising was the sudden change of venue. I had heard they were getting married somewhere in Hawaii, and was relieved it was faraway it wouldn't bother me I wasn't attending. But it seemed they had other plans, and it wasn't sitting very well with me at the moment. I took a long deep cleansing breath; I closed my eyes and exhaled loudly. I needed to get myself in control.

I raised my eyes to Rosalie, trying to look nonchalant. However, she knew me so well, I couldn't hide my true feelings from her even if I tried.

"Edward, I'm sorry," she said as she enveloped me in a hug. She was kneeling in front of me so I leaned my head on her shoulder. I contemplated on what to say, not really knowing how to explain.

"She's attending I'm sure of it," I whispered, delaying thinking too much on what that meant. Chicago was a large city and there was a big chance I would not see her. "Maybe I won't even be seeing her."

"Yes, maybe. But do you think you could handle not going to her when she's here?" she asked so softly. I started to open my mouth but closed it again.

"I knew you went after her after the incident in the church," she revealed. "Edward, it has been over a year, I'm begging you to please…just let it go."

I huffed; the anger I was holding at bay was burning a steady fire within me. I was furious and it was because Rose just had to open her mouth. She knew she was asking too much from me, but she had to say those awful words that gutted my inside. What made me angrier was she was supposed to be on my side.

"How could I let it go when I was the one humiliated, Rose? When she left me there at the altar looking like a fool!" I stood angrily and started pacing. "She did it even after all she knew about me. She had too much power over me. I allowed her to have that power, and I will never be sorrier that I did! Damn her…and you for telling me to let it go because I just can't! I fucking can't….just not yet!"

Rose looked pale. I scowled at her as my chest heaved and my hands shook. I took another cigarette and lit up, still trying to control my anger. Rose knew about my life more than anyone. Her telling me to just let go was something I couldn't accept. She was brutally frank; I usually admired that from her, but not today, not now. Her audacity even appalled me. She wasn't the one who went through a series of therapy so she could just be able to fucking sleep, to be able to close her eyes even for a moment and not have Bella's face haunting her…taunting her.

Rose was watching me warily. She knew I was pissed at her, and she stood slowly. "Okay, I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have said that. I was out of line."

"Damn right, you were," I growled, venting all my frustration and anger on her. "You're such a fucking bitch sometimes!"

"I said I was sorry, okay? I hate to see you still so torn up about it. She's not worth it!"

"Stop patronizing me! Fuck!"

"You have to reserve that anger for something…or someone who deserves it, " she said sharply. She just cocked an eyebrow at me before she turned to go to her room and leave me alone with my thoughts.

I knew she meant Bella. She was audience to what hell I went through after Bella left me. I could understand her worry, but I was still pissed she was egging me to make decisions I wasn't ready to make just yet. She should know better. I wouldn't let anything like that happen to me ever again. But still she had to warn me to steer away from Bella when she came back.

I would be damned if I would go anywhere near that lying, inconsiderate bitch.

xxxxxxxxxx

I was supposed to fly out to Italy. I was in negotiations with the billionaire recluse, Aro Volturi, at one of his resorts. But something came up, family emergency he said, so instead I was sitting in Rose's bar while I waited for her to finish serving some rowdy college students.

I was holding a beer, chatting with Seth who was bartending tonight.

"Don't worry about her. She can handle herself," he said, grinning as he wiped the table clean. Turning to where Rose was, I saw her flirt and smile as she engaged the eager boys in chatter.

"I know," I answered and turned my attention back to Seth. He had recently earned his degree in engineering, but he was in no rush to give up this job. He was earning enough to pay for his rent and his loan. Unless he could find a day job that would pay more than this, he said he was sticking to bartending.

He had been with Rose since she opened a year ago, and he was one of the hardworking ones. He was also one of those who understood how much of a ruthless boss Rose could be.

"So, did you hear about that Whitlock wedding?" he asked. He was aware I ran in the same circle with the Whitlocks, but he didn't know about what had happened a year and half ago, because if he did, he wouldn't have asked.

I shrugged nonchalantly and just drank my beer.

"Oh, I thought you knew everyone who was worth knowing here in Chicago," he continued, oblivious to the shift in my demeanor. I could feel my jaw clench in irritation.

The loud clank of the tray momentarily interrupted what was about to become a very uncomfortable conversation. Rose was finished with the students and seemed to be interested in what Seth was talking about.

"I just knew about it because a friend of mine works at the catering service doing the family dinner this coming Thursday. He said it would be one hell of a party because of the amount the groom paid just for the wine." He was cleaning his station and was engrossed in this little tale of his. "I just assumed you knew them and were invited," he babbled and was clearly not paying too much attention to me. If he was he would have caught on to my unusual silence around him.

Rose came closer, her eyes darting from me to Seth. I knew she easily saw my uneasiness. I tried to brush off everything Seth was saying but it was so hard to just be so cavalier about it all. Rose was beside me, wiping her hand with a rag.

"The groom just came back from Washington, so I'm not really familiar with him," he continued. "But the bride is Alice Brandon…the well known wedding planner." He gave me a glance before returning to rearranging the glasses. "I know about her because my sister loves everything about what Alice does. Anyway, I heard she's sassy. So I'm guessing this whole wedding next week will be interesting, don't you think?"

"Shut up, Seth," Rosalie snapped at him. "You gossip more than a girl does. Stop asking Edward about stuff we don't really wanna know." She was trying to divert his attention away from the topic. "Nor should we be interested. People like the Whitlocks are snobs."

"Oh, really? You don't think Edward is a snob," he argued, and she glared at him. "He's one of them and you still associate with him."

"If you want to keep your job here, Buddy…you better start minding your own damn business. Learn to close that fucking mouth, okay?" she said. That got him to shut up pretty quickly.

The bar was loud, but it felt eerily silent, especially after that conversation with Seth. Rosalie tapped me on my shoulder, and I raised my eyes from the beer bottle I was concentrating on.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I simply nodded. She stared for another minute then turned to go back to serving the now crowded room. There were no more words needed. She knew to leave me alone. We had been friends forever.

Rose and I had known each other since I was a little boy. She and her mom lived next door to us in Rosemont, a small town on the outskirts of Chicago. She was the only girl I knew back then who played baseball. I was six and she was seven. She was a scary little shit, and the other kids were afraid of her. She was pretty, but I didn't even look at her for fear of getting my ass kicked. When the neighboring bullies started to pick on me, she stood up for me. We had been friends ever since. We were inseparable until my mother died when I was eight and shipped to boarding school.

My grandfather, Carlisle Cullen, decided it was high time for him to have a say in my upbringing. His son and my father, Edward Sr., had disowned me even before I was born. He had gotten a lowly servant pregnant and was too ashamed to recognize the child. My mother, who was also only after their money, threatened to expose them. Carlisle couldn't have their name tainted. He ordered my mother to take care of me and paid a handsome amount for her to do that. Rosemont was where I lived for the first eight years of my life. I never saw my father since the spineless bastard died when I was two years old.

Carlisle had come to fetch me the day of my mother's funeral. He scared me, but I braved it out and scowled at him when he called for me in our little house in Rosemont. It was my last day in that town before I was sent packing to an exclusive boarding school in Europe. My grandfather thought it was the right thing to do, to afford me with the best education there was. That was the only good thing he did for me. He had disposed of me like I was nothing but offensive garbage cluttering their perfect lives. I wasn't invited to their family gatherings and parties. I wasn't family. I was just the kid who had the same last name as they did.

My life wasn't all good after that. I had some very unfortunate experiences with the pleasant and well-bred parents of my wealthy classmates when their sons invited me to their homes to spend the holidays. They had the same questions parents always asked, questions about my family and where I was from. When they realized I was with no money or connections, I was always treated with the same disdain. They considered me an opportunist that was trying to wiggle into their son's lives for reasons they considered as suspicious and undesirable.

It had been like a defense mechanism of sorts for me to deny any relation with the Cullens from Chicago. When somebody asked, I denied it every single time. So even if I still carried the name Cullen, I didn't consider being one of them. I had worked my way up to gain my own money and my own connections. There was nothing I needed.

Not until I met her three years ago. _Bella_.

She was like a breath of fresh air from all that was fake and superficial in our world. It was never my intention to fall in love with her, but I did. I just came from a bad relationship and wasn't looking to enter into another one; she was so carefree and so beautiful I couldn't help myself. She unknowingly enchanted me and eventually I needed to tie her to me.

Big mistake.

Something I would regret for the rest of my life.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Are you sure about this, Em?" I asked, sneaking a glance toward Rosalie, who was maneuvering the car easily. I knew she heard me mention Emmett's name, but she didn't show any indication that she did. She was in an on and off relationship with him, and from her reaction, I could deduce they were 'off' again.

"Yeah, man. I'll be arriving Thursday morning." Emmett's voice interrupted my musing. "That'll give me enough time for the family dinner. Besides, I don't have anything more to do here in Cannes, so I'll be there early."

"Damn, you're arrival will stop traffic again," I teased and chuckled, knowing he hated his superstar status.

"You goddamn know I hate this scrutiny on my personal life," he said loudly, sounding exasperated. I heard Rose snort at his comment. "Besides, you're better looking than I am. If you became an actor, you'd be more famous."

"Oh, shut up. You know I hate the likes of you."

"No, you love me, man." I could hear his laughter, and I couldn't help but smile. He was Alice's cousin and also one of my closest friends. He was the only one related to Bella in any way that didn't turn his back after what had happened.

I was grateful he didn't ditch me. Sometimes though, looking at him reminded me of the good times with him and Jasper. They were the only friends I had in school. They were my family. When Jasper cut me out of his life, it hurt me more than they would ever know. Not only had I lost my fucking lifeline that day in the church, I had also lost Jasper.

"Will you be in Chicago? I thought you'd be in Italy by now, investing your millions into something worthy." His voice was raspy. It must be from all those interviews for his newest flick.

"I'll explain when you get here."

"Are you sure it's okay for you to be in the same place as her?" he asked. I knew he was talking about Bella. I had planned to leave the day Rose had given me the paper. I didn't want to be anywhere near her or anybody associated with her. Somehow, I felt I needed to prove something. Call it stupidity or stubbornness, but I decided to stay. I just hoped this would not be another decision I would regret.

"Of course. Nothing to worry about, Em. I got this," I answered, trying to infuse some joy in my voice. Something I wasn't feeling…really.

"So, you wanna meet up or something?" he asked. He didn't mention anything about Rose and I made a mental note to ask him about his current relationship with my best gal.

"Sure. I'll make reservations and inform you when I do," I said. "Okay, gotta go. We just arrived at the store. See you in a couple of days."

"Okay, you better be ready to spend some of your fucking money on me." I laughed and we said our goodbyes. Rose didn't say anything about the phone call so I didn't either, giving her the space she clearly needed. If she wanted to talk about Emmett, she would.

The supermarket was just a couple of minutes away from Rose's apartment. It had been years since I entered one. My groceries were usually delivered straight to my door - one perk of having money. Since I didn't do grocery shopping, I insisted to Rose we only stay for a few minutes, just enough time to grab what was essential.

We were picking out some of the ingredients for her famous taco salad. Rose was selecting the cheese as I walked behind her, trying to see the advantage of doing this stuff myself and not finding one. That was when I head a very familiar voice.

Goosebumps broke out all over my skin and my heart started to pound erratically. The voice was so chillingly close; it was calling to me. I started to take a step towards it. Even if I was now trembling, I couldn't seem to stop.

"Don't worry, I'll be cooking this to his delight," the voice said, a hint of irritation in it.

"Are you sure about this?" another voice said.

_It can't be. She doesn't do grocery shopping…just like me. _I was sure it would only be someone who had a similar voice as she. Holding onto this thought, I stepped out to the meat section, and I froze.

She was here. The air in my lungs gushed out. I suddenly had difficulty breathing.

She hadn't seen me yet. She had her back to me. Even though the length was shorter than I remembered, the same brown silky hair was unmistakably hers. I was sure it was her.

"Edward?" I heard Rose ask, concern in her voice. My eyes never left the brunette who was still oblivious of my presence.

"Oh," Rose said. I knew she saw Bella.

"I don't want you to overcook it, Bells…like the last time." Alice was chastising her friend. _Bella now cooks? She hated cooking_.

"I won't. I promised him," Bella said and turned around. _Who the fuck is Him?_

I was still in shock. Everything I wanted and hated was in front of me. She had destroyed me. Now my life was just some fucking circus I barely felt I was a part of. Here she was talking about cooking. Cooking she had never done for me.

The moment she raised her eyes to me, my heart stopped for a second before racing back to life full throttle.

We stared for what seemed like hours, just taking each other in. I wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless, until she would know and feel she was my fucking world. I wanted to lose myself in her. I wanted to strangle her for what she did.

My fists were tightly clenched at my sides. I could feel Rose tugging me, but I ignored her. All my attention was focused on this woman who had left me.

My heart was tearing into a million pieces again. I didn't know what to do so I stood there, never removing my eyes from her.

Then she smiled. And my heart skipped in hope. _Dammit! There's no fucking hope there!_ Of all the things for her to do, smiling was the last one I expected.

Then she started coming towards me and I panicked. I took a step back, trying to comprehend what was happening. Before I even blinked, she was in front of me with Alice looking warily behind her.

"Hello, Edward," she said sweetly, no animosity in her voice. She wasn't angry any more and that scared me. But she was the one who left, so it would be easier for her to act this way. Even if she had thought I was the one who had wronged her.

I didn't answer, just raised my brow at her. My shock had been replaced by my anger. She had some nerve to be friendly with me. I scowled at her, hating her so much more at this very moment.

"What the hell are you doing here?" It was Rose. She was pissed and I couldn't blame her.

"Well we –" Bella started saying, but she was interrupted.

"Bella, what do you think about this?" a man with blond hair asked. The different tomato sauces in his hands were forgotten when he saw the looks between everyone present. He went near Bella and whispered something. She smiled at him and it pissed me off more. I hissed. That got his attention.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked grittily.

He gave one of the cans he was holding to Alice and extended his hand to me. "I'm James. I'm Bella's husband."

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**I know, I know. **

**Remember I'm an E/B kinda girl/author, so you have to trust me on this. There's a valid reason why Bella is married here, and you wouldn't know about it if you ditch this story. **

**Okay, send me your thoughts on this. **


	3. Chapter 3 Denials and truths

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

To my wonderful betas **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed, **thank you. This would have been a hot mess if it weren't for you. =)

Thank you to everyone reading/alerting/favoriting/recommending this story.

So, here goes another...

* * *

**Chapter 3 – Denials and truths**

I tried to think how I got here, at this place I wasn't supposed to be.

Music wafted through the hall but was muted by the door I was hidden behind. My sole purpose for crashing this party was to seek Bella out.

I needed to see her.

The urge got so great, it seeped into my being, and I couldn't shake it off. I knew this was not a good idea. I could hear Rose's words cautioning me not to go anywhere near her. I wasn't completely healed from the disaster Bella had caused. Maybe I would never be healed, only time would tell. Coming here was inviting a whole lot of trouble.

She was married. Period. That should be the end of it. Let lying dogs lie.

My pride couldn't accept the insult, though. Fuck! I was supposed to be her husband, not that blonde shit she was with in the supermarket. The asshole even had the nerve to introduce himself to me. Didn't he know who I was?

The mere thought of the guy who owned her now made me growl.

This was unacceptable! I refuse to believe I was so easily dispensed of and replaced. Not by her.

I could have believed it if it was my grandfather or any one of the other Cullens, because they already did that when I was a kid. But not her. Never her.

The day of that disastrous meeting at the grocery store left me stunned and angrier at her for everything that was my life now. She was the reason I was like this…fucking miserable.

Having learned she was now unavailable made me have an epiphany. A fucking epiphany I was still trying to battle with. Never mind that it occurred to me at the most inappropriate time, at the most inconvenient place -the parking lot - just a few minutes after I stormed out of the place where that prick introduced himself as her husband.

She never loved me. That realization had shocked me. All I had believed in was shattered in that moment. Even when she had left me, I never once thought she didn't love me. The disastrous kiss with Tanya she had seen the night before the wedding was the only reason I thought she had changed her mind.

Maybe that time when I had asked her to marry me and she declined had been an indication this would eventually happen. Or the numerous times she had questioned me whether asking her to marry me was not a spur of the moment thought should have alerted me. She always had this notion she was just a rebound thing from my relationship with Tanya. My constant reassurance and my actions should have told her I was in love with her. I loved Bella more than I did that gold-digging bitch Tanya. If I ever did love Tanya at all.

Bella had been too good to be true and even though I didn't believe in fairy tales, she made me hope that I would one day have a 'happily ever after' with her.

I should have known there were no such things. Everything had been a farce.

She just used that damn kiss with Tanya as an excuse to bail from the wedding.

She left and now she had a fucking husband.

I was not the love of her life like she was mine. I was just the man who had distracted her enough to allow her to stay back home longer than she usually did. I was just a toy. A temporary phase in her life she found suitable for enjoyment until her boredom got the better of her.

I didn't even see this coming. When it came to Bella, all my senses were fucked. I was so blinded with love nothing and no one would have persuaded me otherwise.

Not until it was too late. Not until I had realized she had played me for a fool.

But even now, knowing what I know, I still wanted her. I fucking needed her. She was like a thorn I wanted to dispose of because she bleeds me, however, she was an essential part of me I couldn't let go.

I didn't want to let go.

The day after the wedding, I flew to California. I had followed her, even against the advise of everyone. It had taken me a few minutes after Jasper and Jacob left the church to know I couldn't not see her. _I knew_. I was ready to beg on my knees and grovel for her forgiveness. It didn't matter that I was reduced to a shriveling mess; I just had to have her back. She needed to understand _the kiss_.

I waited and waited for her in the hotel Alice had promised me Bella would meet me, so I could tell her there was more to that kiss between Tanya and I than meets the eye. Since they didn't give me a specific time for the meeting, I had endured the long hours waiting at the hotel restaurant, never knowing when she would show up. I practiced my speech over and over; scared I would not get everything right when she was finally infront of me. I knew it would not be an easy task to make her talk to me, especially to make her believe me. If someone told me to have an open mind if I ever saw Bella kiss some other man, I would tell them to go to Hell. The kiss was nothing to me, even if I knew it meant something to Tanya. I was so ready to suffer for that one mistake. I expected some sort of punishment from Bella when I had explained my side, but never did I anticipate she would run from me again. It never entered my mind she wouldn't give me a chance to make clarifications. Bella left California without talking to me, and I never saw her again.

Yes, I was ready to suffer and suffer I did.

Here I was, still being the pathetic obsessed ex-fiancé, lurking at a party I wasn't even invited to.

The guests were clearly enjoying the food and drinks and I knew Alice would be pleased. There were only a small number of people present, though most of them didn't know me, I was still afraid I would be spotted easily. Dressed in a suit, just like every other male here, I threw caution to the wind and went in search of Bella. I hoped nobody was paying attention to me or everything would be fucked.

Luckily, I spotted her talking to Alice animatedly and some other people I didn't recognize. I grabbed a flute of champagne from a waiter and situated myself in an area in the foyer where I wouldn't be seen but would have a good view of her.

She looked radiant in her black dress. It had long sleeves but was very short, showing off her long sexy legs. She looked amazing; a vision I couldn't look away from. I wanted to snatch her away and lock her up. I wanted to love her so badly, to go back to what we had, but I didn't know how to do that. Fixing _us_ seemed so impossible.

I didn't know if I could ever push past her betrayal. This betrayal was worse than when she had left me. However, the hate and loathing I felt for her, at what she had done wasn't reason enough for me to stay away. I couldn't control myself when it came to her. Even if she was bad for me…for my sanity, I needed to see her. She cuts me deep and bleeds me, and I couldn't do any goddamn thing about it.

This was what Rose was afraid of.

Even if I held onto my hate and anger, there was no denying I was still in love with her. The more I hate, the more the urge to see her increases.

Isabella Swan is beautiful; other women paled in comparison to her. I would be lying if I said it wasn't the first thing that drew me to her. I saw her at one of the dinner parties Emmett threw. She was so fucking gorgeous; I had a hard time keeping my eyes away from her.

She was as attracted to me as I was to her. Only a week from meeting her, we were fucking like rabbits. She was like a drug habit I couldn't kick; eventually, I became addicted to her.

I became obsessed, and she loved it. Our love was something so intense, not everybody could comprehend the depth of my feelings for her.

The sex was great. I was like a nymphomaniac who didn't get enough fucking. She was my drug, and I lived for it. I loved what we had.

The sound of laughter broke me out of my reverie. I had been staring at Bella for a long time and didn't notice I had finished three flutes of champagne. I was mesmerized by the movement of her lips as she talked and wished I could hear what she was saying.

I missed her voice.

I missed her laugh.

I fucking missed everything she represented.

The feeling of loss was with me again, and I slammed the flute on the empty table, trying to reign in the anger and desolation that was engulfing me. I stared at Bella, willing for her to look at me. To see me.

It didn't happen. Instead, she seemed to part from the group she was mingling with and headed somewhere that was directly through my path. I grabbed her when I had the chance and pushed her into the isolated area I had been hiding just a while ago.

"Oh, my God! You scared me, Edward. What the hell?" she said, panicked. Her eyes were wide, and I couldn't help be lost in them. This was not the time to go mushy all over again, I knew that, but I couldn't help it.

"I want to talk to you," I whispered, leaning forward so I was mere inches from her lips. I could taste her smell. _Lavender and cinnamon_. A deadly combination I had never been able to resist. She was sweet, fresh and so fucking sexy all rolled into one.

She closed her eyes and took a long cleansing breath. Her lips were open, but I resisted the urge to capture it so I could snake my tongue inside and taste her. Now, I was panting, and she could feel it.

I hissed, hating and loving what she was doing to me. She hurt me so badly like nobody ever did, and I wanted to punish her with the same pain she had caused me. I wanted to see her suffer like I did, to have some kind of retribution so I could finally move on. But not being with her was agony, like my world would shatter any moment I was away with her.

She was so near I wanted to crash my mouth and taste her sweetness all over again. To drown myself in her so she could take away all the hurt she had caused. Her presence was fucking with my reserve, with the last vestige of sanity I had left. I didn't know what I was doing here, but goddamn if I would let her go that easily this time.

She opened her eyes. I could see the anger there, but she masked it away, confusing me.

"I don't have time to do that now," she said patiently. _Shit._ I hated when she was being cautiously patient with me. I wanted her to scream and shout. What was expected…what was normal. I didn't want her like this, as if she didn't have any strong feelings for me any longer. I would rather she was angry than this indifference she was showing, because if this was true, it meant I was nothing to her. Nothing.

I wouldn't accept that. I couldn't.

"I don't care if you don't," I muttered, not backing down from this conversation.

"Where's Tanya? I thought you got back together with her after I left?" she asked, her eyes searching me. For what, I didn't know.

"There was no one, Bella."

Tanya Denali was my girlfriend before Bella. She was the girl I had the bad relationship with. She was beautiful and strong. I knew she loved me at one point. But when she learned I was connected with the Cullens from Chicago, she got greedy. It wasn't enough for her I had my own money to live comfortably for the rest of my life. The Cullen's wealth and power was a lure to her. She wanted me to recognize I was the grandson of Carlisle Cullen. At first, I was amused by her sentiment. I just thought it was her way of being concerned for me, but her obsession got so out of control that she had plotted ways of reconciling me to Carlisle, who by the way, was now ready to welcome me into their family – now that I was a refuted businessman with powerful connections. I wasn't sure why I tolerated Tanya's interference as long as I did, but I did. The breaking point was when she wanted me to invest in one of Carlisle's companies. He had offered, and she saw no need for me not to accept. She made me choose. I either agree with what she wanted, or she would leave me.

I chose to fucking dump her. I wasn't about to give up my self-respect for her.

Even if she was a gold digging bitch, I cared for her. Her duplicity and dubiousness hurt. Isabella Swan's coming into my life changed all that. I thought I loved Tanya, but my relationship with Bella changed my outlook on love. Yes, I cared for Tanya, but I realized that was the extent of it.

I was in love with Bella. Of that I was certain. I was crazy, irrevocably in love with her; it was fucking amazing and crazy all at once.

"That's not what I heard," she replied nonchalantly. I frowned and didn't respond. She wouldn't believe me even if I told her the truth.

I traced a finger under her eyes, and her breathing hitched. _Good._ I smirked because I suddenly realized her face was a mask of everything she was feeling. She could hide behind that mask, but her actions clearly conveyed she was still affected by my presence.

It made me bolder. I didn't care if I was crossing the line somewhere here. My badly beaten heart was pounding so hard against my chest, wanting so hard to feel her lips again. That even with the conscious thought she might not have loved me at all, I still wanted to delude myself into thinking she had. Truthfully, it was the only way I could handle being this near to her and not strangle her.

I leaned even closer, but she tried to back away, then just turned her head when she realized she was trapped between the wall and me. She knew I was going to kiss her.

"Give me this, Soft Lips," I whispered, licking my lips in anticipation.

"Don't call me that," she muttered, irritation etching her voice. "I don't want you to call me that!"

"Why?"

"I hate it," she hissed.

"You love when I call you that," I insisted, unwavering.

"Not anymore…so, just stop it," she snapped. Her brows were furrowed; far from the smiling girl I saw in the supermarket a couple of days ago.

The shine in her eyes was suddenly gone. She had a faraway look in her eyes that prickled my heart. She wasn't as unaffected as she tried to convey.

Her shove pulled me out of my thoughts. She had a determined look now, and it alerted me. I pulled her hand to stop her from walking away, from giving us a chance to talk.

"Bella, I want to talk. You owe me at least that," I demanded. I was angry again and this wasn't good.

"I owe you?" she asked, shocked. The trembling of her hands alerted me she wasn't calm; she was far from collected. "Look at me, Edward. I don't owe you anything. You broke us…not me. YOU! You best remember that before you throw words around you really can't grasp!"

I was left stunned again. She really had the nerve!

"We could have worked it out if you just stayed and talked to me. You went and returned fucking married! What does it say about you, huh?" I spat.

Her eyes widened as if I had slapped her. She was so red; I could see her rage. "Don't you dare accuse me of anything! You don't know me anymore and it's not any of your damn business if I am married!"

"Is he better in bed than I was? Is that it?" I taunted, intending to hurt her with my words. I closed the gap between us again, and held her arm tightly, caressing her cheek with the back of my hand. "Does he make you come more than I did? I know you are one wild girl in bed, but I never thought of you to be a slut. I guess, I was wrong."

"You jerk!" She slapped me so hard I could feel ringing in my ears. But instead of insulting her like I wanted to, I laughed. I laughed so hysterically I could feel my eyes tear.

She hissed. "Stay away from me!"

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	4. Chapter 4 The infamous grandfather

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

To my wonderful betas **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed, **thank you. They prettify my words, and I'm glad that they do. =) All mistakes are still mine, however.

_**I want to make this clear...There is no abuse in this story. James is with Bella because she wanted it that way. **_

Thank you to everyone reading/alerting/favoriting/recommending this story.

This chapter will give you an insight on Carlisle. So, here goes...

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**Chapter 4 – The infamous grandfather**

I could see the stream of arriving guests to Carlisle's mansion had slowed to a trickle when my car approached the gates.

I ignored the uniformed security guard's advice that I couldn't park inside the gates, and went ahead and slowed my red _Ferrari Enzo_ to a halt under the _porte cochere_. I could clearly see there was no snow on the driveway, which was the opposite of the excuse they had given for not allowing any cars anywhere near the house. Carlisle had a habit of developing _quirky practices_ – the ones he made up from time to time for no other reason than to impose his will upon other social members of his class. This was to prove to himself, yet again, that he was still superior to all. My grandfather was an arrogant bastard and doing this was to confirm that he could manipulate and maneuver whatever and whoever he wanted. It was a wonder to me why some guests didn't turn around and go home once they realized that the driveway was clear. It was known that Carlisle was a generous benefactor that had donated tens of millions of dollars to different charities, reasons his guests might have put up with this 'small inconvenience'.

I turned to give my car another glance before entering the foyer. I smirked, knowing Carlisle would be pissed I didn't follow his instructions. I wouldn't allow him to push me around like he does everyone else. I was only here because his birthday was the same day as Jasper's wedding. I didn't want to spend the night wallowing in the thoughts of my ex-bestfriend enjoying this day without me. Not to mention, I didn't want to think about Bella. It was hard enough just knowing she was just here in the same city as me, and I was unable to go to her freely. It was torture to even fathom that she was with that slime of a man she called her husband. Anyone who was with her other than me was a fucking asshole in my book.

I needed to forget about my problems; what better way to do that than to torture myself and attend my grandfather's seventieth birthday party.

I entered Carlisle's study, which was on the opposite side of the hallway from the living room, toward the back of the house. I was never welcome in this house back in the days when I was still a beggar, in all senses of the word, but that had changed recently. I was not a frequent visitor, though I was now familiar with the main rooms of the house. The heavy paneled study doors had a thin strip of light between them, encouraging me to go inside. I knew it wouldn't be my grandfather, as he liked to keep everyone waiting, proving his superiority.

Esme was sitting in one of the couches in the study, looking nervous and excited all at the same time. She was Carlisle's second wife and was twenty years younger than him. She was not my grandmother, but she was the only one who had shown some compassion when I was a kid, although she never truly went against my grandfather's wishes to personally take care of me. The remorse I could see in her eyes whenever I saw her was enough proof she regretted she never did enough for me. I had forgiven her a long time ago…but only her. She was always so fucking sweet, like she was making up for lost time; I couldn't help be kind to her in return. Not like some other Cullens I know.

"Hello, Edward," she greeted, with a nervous smile. I nodded and smiled, but didn't bother to make small talk. Carlisle would be making his grand entrance any time soon, and I didn't want to be caught off guard when he did. I was still wary of this place. I don't think I would ever be comfortable with any of them. I was here tonight to freaking occupy my mind of things other than the thoughts that had plagued me these last couple of days. The only other time I was here before was when I needed to confront my grandfather of his meddling ways in my business affairs. Tonight, I didn't come here for personal reasons. I was here because I needed Carlisle and his family to distract me. I was desperate, enough to come and tolerate my grandfather's insufferableness.

I spent my time studying the many portraits that adorned the office. The large room seemed to be a shrine to the Cullen men; every size of framed portraits covered the walls and the mantel. I wasn't truly interested to know anything about my history; I just didn't have anything better to do, so I gazed at the old pictures of my 'supposed' ancestors.

"Do you see the resemblance?" I heard Esme ask.

"To what?" I said mockingly. I knew she was associating me to these other men that had power and wealth.

"To you," she said stubbornly. "The Cullen men are a handsome lot. Just like you."

I gave her a warning look, telling her I didn't want to pursue this topic. I was pissed Esme wanted me to acknowledge my relationship to this family. I hated being associated with the Cullens, even though I opted to carry their name. I was here because I needed to be, not because I wanted to be. I needed to forget about Isabella for a night, and Carlisle would definitely make me do that. I slid one hand in my pocket and moved a few paces away from Esme, feigning interest to the other portraits.

The silence in the room was interrupted by a curt, loud voice. "This will not take long, I promise," Carlisle said abruptly while he strode into the room, followed by my cousin Riley.

I took my time to turn around, wanting my grandfather to wait until I acknowledged his presence. _Damn, bastard_.

"Sit down," he ordered.

I walked over to Esme and helped her sit in one of the sofas, then walked back to a corner across from the fireplace, shoved my hands into my pockets, and lifted my brows. Riley quickly sat beside Esme, clearly afraid of angering our grandfather.

"I said sit!" Carlisle warned. He didn't think I was afraid of him, did he? I stared at him amusedly and turned around to look behind me.

"What are you looking for?" Carlisle asked stonily.

"Your dog," I said icily. "I'm not your fucking pet."

I could see his expression turned cold and resentful. There was something in his eyes though, like he was proud of me, which he masked away quickly. He stood erect and proud, appearing as if he was the one winning here.

I was here because it was my choice, not because I was forced to be here. He needed to know that. By the way he was looking at me, I knew he understood I wasn't a member of his flock he could easily bark orders to.

"Fine. If that's what you want then by all means…stand," he said grittily. He wasn't used to not getting his way, but my stubbornness surpassed his.

"I called upon the three of you because I wanted say this in front of the entire family. I feel I owe this to you, Edward," my grandfather announced.

I resisted the urge to laugh; instead I crossed my arms across my chest. After all these years, he saw the need to say such things. It was clear he wanted to make amends. As if these words could make up all the hardships I went through when I was a child.

Carlisle was staring at me intently now, and I stared back unflinchingly. I wasn't one to back down on a challenge, especially if it was coming from him.

"Many years ago, I did you an injustice. My pride and anger were the reasons behind it. I admit that now in front of your grandmother and your cousin, and I want to right what I have done."

I raised my brows, suddenly curious on where he was leading this conversation.

"My anger had nothing to do with you, Edward," he said. "You were a product of my spineless son who had no character or decency. You're mother was a gold digging bitch who only wanted our money."

I could feel my jaw tense. I wasn't hurt by what he said because it was the fucking truth. My father didn't have any scruples, and my mother was a whore who only thought about the money she could get from Carlisle in exchange for taking care of me. It was just hard to listen to it all.

I tried so hard to remain impassive; after all, I was here by my own choice.

"I was surprised though, Edward. I always thought you were not cut out to be a Cullen because of who your parents were. It never occurred to me you would come out better than I expected. I threw you into the world with nothing except the opportunity to have an education and to make social contacts," he continued. His face was blank, but his voice held some awe in it. "In the last decade, you had turned what I gave you into an impressive, little financial empire. You inherited this ability from your Cullen ancestors. You may not have been raised as a Cullen, but you definitely are one."

Instead of being pleased by what he just said, I was amused. He seemed to have this notion I needed his approval. "Is this a compliment which I should be thankful for?"

"Of course not! We all know Cullens do not need reassurance of their worth," he declared egotistically. I couldn't keep the smirk off my face. Maybe I had inherited his arrogance after all. I was considered conceited. "Now that we have established who you really are, there's no need to further discuss this. You're my grandson, and that is that."

Carlisle moved toward Esme and reached for her hand to assist her up. "Esme, darling, take Edward into the living room and make sure to introduce to our dear friends."

"I didn't know this was a part of my night," I drawled lazily. Three pairs of surprised eyes turned to me.

"What did you expect? It's my birthday, and we have a party. It's about time I tell them you're my grandson," Carlisle said smugly_. Them_ being the socialites and millionaires he associated with.

I knew he planned this. In another time, I would just shrug off his plans and go back home. I didn't need his connections, or his money, and definitely not his approval. This certainly would be interesting - him introducing me as his grandson. I would like to see that. Maybe I could get a few laughs out of this night. This would make a good story I could relate to Rose after.

"Besides, what better way to show those Whitlocks that we throw a better party than they do. It's payback for treating my grandson like shit," he hissed. _Ah, and there it was. The reason for him calling me to his house. _He wanted to show his friends and associates his grandson wouldn't be made a fool. Typical Carlisle, never letting anyone tarnish the Cullen name, even if it was only because of me.

I should have known he knew about Isabella and me. Esme attended my disastrous _almost wedding_ after all.

I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn't need for him to remind me of people I certainly didn't want to be thinking about at this moment. Carlisle needed to shut the fuck up before I would lose my cool and stop the pretense of civility towards him. I didn't need for him to remind me of what my life was now. Not that he knew what it was like for me. But I also had no intention of showing any of them how fucking miserable I was.

Maybe I was in the right place. I always did associate the Cullen name with misery.

Riley just looked at me apologetically, and I shrugged. I didn't want Carlisle to continue on this train of conversation, so I didn't give him the chance to say anything. I moved past them and went ahead toward the ballroom just beside the living room.

I should have bailed on this party. I didn't need this kind of stress. I had more than I could bear.

My entrance was not grand, but it felt like it, since everyone turned and stopped to stare at me. I tipped my imaginary hat, loving the shocked expressions of the people in the room.

_Yeah, fuckers. Fuck you all._

I was still feeling smug when I entered the ballroom, feeling the high on making these damn people speechless. I would bet a million dollars they never imagined Carlisle to recognize me as his grandson, not in their wildest dreams. _He fucking fooled you, assholes! _Carlisle didn't do anything without gaining from it. This grand gesture of his definitely had hidden agenda written all over it.

After the initial shock of my appearance in the house with the same people who shunned me, the tension in the room dissipated. They could now officially call me the grandson of Carlisle without offending my grandfather.

Now I would be an even better catch for the fucking women in high society. Not only did I have my own money, I also had a powerful name behind me. I knew all about the games these people play, and I wasn't fucking interested.

I was still enjoying all the shocked faces and the sudden excited chatter around me when I saw her. My grin dropped, and I growled. There in the middle of the room was Tanya, looking oh so smug and smiling flirtatiously at me.

"Oh, Hell," I hissed. Riley, who was beside me, just coughed uncomfortably, clearly knowledgeable of what happened between Tanya and me.

Esme, who was tasked to introduce me around, was suddenly beside me, ushering me forward. However, Carlisle blocked us and pushed Tanya in front of me.

"I think you two know each other," my grandfather said too eagerly.

I cursed under my breath, and Esme tightened her hold on my arm. I knew Tanya was his pet, and he still had hopes we would get back together. Maybe so he could control me through her. _Not fucking likely_.

"Edward, Darling," Tanya said, and I balked. She was reaching for me, but I took a step backward, not wanting her filthy hands on me.

"Tanya," I said grittily. My hands were clenched tightly at my sides, trying to control the anger of seeing her near me.

"I missed you. The last time I saw you, you left me hot and bothered." She was licking her lips, thinking it was sexy. She wasn't even ashamed of her declaration and the fact that I was repulsed by her presence.

"Shit, I regretted that night. More than you will ever fucking know," I muttered angrily. I was shooting daggers at her, and she pouted, clearly insulted. "I don't want you anywhere near me."

"But Ed-," she started, but I pushed her away quite strongly, not even caring if I hurt her. She didn't deserve anything from me.

"Edward!" I heard my grandfather yell, but I just linked my arm around Esme, and led her toward the exit, before I said my goodbye.

I was ready to go home.

I didn't fucking need this. I sure as Hell wouldn't tolerate Carlisle meddling in my personal life.

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**Isn't Carlisle an ass? I love him that way. (bwahaha!)**

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	5. Chapter 5 Vacation and surprises

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to my wonderful betas **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **for putting this chapter into shape. Muahz! =) All mistakes are still mine, however.

Updating again...just because I have a chapter ready.

Hope you like it. ;)

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**Chapter 5 – Vacation and surprises**

I was sipping a martini, watching the sun go down on the balcony of my hotel room in Rio. My skin was already cooling from my sun exposure earlier. I shouldn't have stayed on the lounge chair after that lunch I had with Emmett. As expected, I had fallen asleep under the scorching heat, and now I had sunburn. It was a bitch, but nothing I couldn't handle.

"You're awake," I heard the gruff voice of Emmett as he sat beside me on the other chair.

I didn't turn around, but continued to stare at the mesmerizing view of the ocean from this vantage point. We were in one of Aro's world-class hotel resorts in Brazil. My cottage was perched high enough so I could see the breathtaking scenery before me.

Carlisle was pissed I had left his party the way I did and insisted I meet with him the next day. Instead, I ignored his demand for an explanation, and flew out of the country for some needed recreation. Emmett insisted on tagging along.

"You want some?" I heard Emmett ask and this time, I turned around to accept his offer of a cigarette.

"Thanks," I said, and lit it. "So, what did you do after you left me here to bake under the fucking sun?"

He laughed and just snorted before he took a swig of the beer he had brought with him. I chanced a glance at him, and he was grinning. "What is that smile all about? Did you meet someone?"

He gave me a sheepish look and shrugged.

_The Hell! _"Oh, don't fucking give me the brush off, McCarty. You know too well I won't say anything to Rose."

The mention of Rose changed his demeanor. I could see his jaw tense and he frowned. He suddenly looked tired.

"Fuck! It's not like that, Ed," he said, resigned. He was staring at the ocean now, just like I was a few moments ago, like we could get some reprieve from the scenery. "I don't like to talk about her with you. She's you're fucking bestfriend…and that's just weird."

"I'm your best pal too, moron. So don't go thinking I can't distinguish the difference between my relationships with the two of you and separate it. I can't believe you're so narrow-minded, Em." I snapped. The stress and the heat were finally getting to me.

I stared at him hard before I went back to staring at the ocean, concentrating on the yachts that were lined in the marina, visible only because of the way the resort was designed and built. I took a long drag of the cigarette, aware of the silence that enveloped Emmett and I.

This was us. There were so many things we had shared since I had met him twenty years ago. I was quite certain I knew all there was to him. I suspected there was something important he was dealing with, but I wouldn't badger him to tell me. He would do it on his own time.

This was how we were.

We respected that space. Maybe that was even the bond that kept us together all these years. Jasper used be included in this small knit group I called my family. I thought nothing would ever break this friendship, but I was wrong.

It seemed it would only take me falling in love to do that. Who would've thought?

"I remember that summer up in Mexico almost ten years ago. Jasper had this chick who wanted to go skinny dipping in broad daylight. Remember that, man?" Emmett suddenly asked, and I snorted. Maybe the breathtaking view in front of us was making him melancholy and dredge up things he wasn't aware hurt me.

"Yes, I remember," I said grimly. I heard him slap his forehead with his hand, and I grinned. I knew he sometimes forgot Jasper and I weren't on speaking terms anymore.

"Don't worry about that, Em. I'm fine."

It took a whole minute before he spoke again. "Are you really, Edward? Coz I'm fucking positive that you're not."

I shrugged, and he sighed, allowing me the same courtesy I bestowed on him earlier when I asked about his current status with Rose.

"Are you never gonna ask me about the wedding?" he asked. I took a moment before I shook my head. I took another long drag from the cigarette before I turned to him.

"Bella. I wanna talk about her."

He took in a long deep breath before exhaling loudly. He looked at me, his expression clearly that of one who expected this. _Well, Hell, I was expecting this from me._

"I don't know much, Ed. You know that," he started, a frown marring his good looks. He looked uncomfortable broaching this topic, but I wasn't one to relent. I really wanted to know and nobody was talking. Bella was so pissed at me when I called her a _slut_ the last time I saw her. I knew it was wrong, but I was so angry I couldn't control myself. Of course, Jasper saw me at that dinner party and kicked me out. It was no wonder nobody was coming forward to talk to me about any of it.

"Just what you know," I pressed quickly, hoping he would finally budge, and he did.

He pursed his lips and nodded. I almost fucking kissed him in relief.

"Is she really married?"

He gave me a tentative look before answering, "Yes."

Reality really fucking bites. Somewhere deep inside me, I wished and hoped that she wasn't married; having it confirmed made it worse. The pain was starting to cloud my vision, but I willed it to go away.

I knew my questions would lead to more pain, but I needed to hear these things, so I knew what I would be dealing with in the future. I still wanted her, and if she allowed me to, I would fucking steal her away from her husband. I didn't have any morals when it came to her.

"Do you know when they got married?" I asked him, desperation evident in my voice. I wished I had a beer; my martini was long gone. I needed some more alcohol. "Or why for that matter?"

"I really don't know, man. Jasper didn't say anything to me about it. I just learned about it a couple of months ago, and even that was by accident."

"Shit!" I hissed, flicking the cigarette away and lighting another one. "I can't fucking understand why, Em. I really don't."

He looked as if he would say something then decided to shut his mouth.

"She couldn't have forgotten about me that easily, could she?"

"Look, Ed. I know you fucked up with that Tanya thing the night before your wedding. Maybe you deserve to be punished, I don't know. Only thing that's obvious to me is you're still in love with Bella. I can totally fucking understand how you feel," he said sympathetically.

I didn't even want to think Bella might love that fucking son of a bitch, James; that being the reason she got married. She was supposed to be in love with me, and not some other loser. Only me.

"I went to California to talk to her, Em," I informed him. He looked shocked, but said nothing, just waited for me to continue. "I waited for her where Alice told me to. I wanted to explain and hoped she would forgive me when I did. I fucking waited for two whole days, Em…and she stood me up."

"I didn't know, man. I'm sorry," he said softly.

"I made a mistake, I know. What I couldn't understand was why she didn't give me a chance to explain. I just wanted one chance…one fucking chance," I stated bitterly. "And now she's fucking married."

I wasn't aware I was clenching my fist, not until I felt the sting of my nails digging into the flesh of my palm. I hissed, hating the way I felt, the way she made me hate her sometimes.

"I don't know what her is deal now, Ed. But this is what I can tell you; James…Bella's husband…he wasn't with her at Jasper's wedding."

That was unusual. My heart skipped at the thought that maybe Bella's husband didn't love her. I was elated just for a second before I realized that I would fucking break his face if he treated her badly.

I shifted in my seat, confused with all the raging emotions coursing through me.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know. I heard she left Chicago a few hours after the wedding. You know how she is."

Shit.

She left, and I wasn't sure when I would see her again. Maybe I should stop listening to Rose, and hire that private investigator like I wanted to.

xxxxxxxxxx

The sound of people partying was everywhere. It was one of those free street parties popular in this city, where everyone could join in and dance the night away.

It was not my idea of fun; Emmett was adamant I enjoy the city and literally dragged me around the whole fucking afternoon. There were some absolutely pretty girls I had seen around who gave some signs they were interested in fucking me, but I wasn't in the mood.

I scanned the crowd for Emmett, but I couldn't find him. He was just beside me a moment ago. _Where the fuck is he?_

Maybe he found a chick or something. Being a famed actor had its perks, and getting women easily was one of them. He was a big flirt, so I shouldn't be surprised. His being overfriendly to the opposite sex was even an issue between him and Rose.

I roamed around with a beer on my hand, still searching for Emmett, it proving to be futile because of the number of people on the streets. Men and women were skipping and dancing around. Some were literally grinding against each other in a provocative dance.

Not finding Emmett, I decided to cut my night short and go back to the resort. Just as I turned to move to the sidewalk, something, or someone, caught my eye.

I craned my neck to get a better view. Yes, it was her. It was Bella. She was dancing closely with two males. Grinding her hips against their bodies. She was laughing, clearly enjoying herself.

She was beautiful to look at. I would have just looked at her if the men dancing with her would just keep their hands away from her. My eyes narrowed in irritation at what I was staring at. The men had their hands on her hips, and she wasn't doing anything to prevent them from feeling her up. My anger peaked just staring at her dancing like a whore. I hissed, striding confidently toward the group. I knew I didn't have the right, but who fucking cared? She needed to get away from those guys.

I could hear her sweet laugh as I approached, and I cursed. She heard me and slowly turned, clearly surprised to see me.

She stopped dancing, and was now frowning.

"Bella, you come with me!" I literally pulled her away from the two guys.

"Do you know who this is, Doll?" one of the guys asked, concerned.

_As if I was the one who she should be afraid of._

She slowly nodded. "Yes, I know him, Raul."

"Are you sure?" he asked, and I growled. He just gave me a quick glance before looking back at Bella.

"Yes, I'm sure," she replied. She removed my hand on her arm and went closer to the two men. "Thank you for the dance. I enjoyed it." Her smile was breathtaking. From the dazzled looks of the two men, I was sure they felt the same way. Raul reached for one of Bella's hands, and raised it to his lips. She giggled, and I clenched my teeth.

She turned to me, her smile gone. The two guys, having made sure I wasn't a threat to her, returned to dancing.

"You're here," she stated flatly. It was not a question. She turned to me and asked, "Why are you here, Edward? Did you follow me? Did someone tell you where I was?"

"I wished someone did," I replied sardonically. She staggered and I helped her up.

"Where are you staying?" I asked, my arms still on her waist. I fought the urge to sniff her. I missed her smell so fucking much. She pointed somewhere to the North, and we slowly walked in that direction. I didn't release her hand. Not because she still needed my help, but because I didn't want to. This might be the last chance I would ever get to be close to her.

She kept sneaking glances at me while we walked. I wanted to talk to her, but I was afraid I would anger her again. Instead, I just shut my mouth and tried to enjoy her proximity. The walk to her hotel only took ten damn minutes, and it was too fucking short for me.

"Thank you," she said when we reached the lobby of her hotel. She waited for me to say something, but I was still debating on what to tell her, so I remained quiet. I had so many things I wanted to discuss; I didn't know where to start. I wasn't about to fuck it up with her again by saying stupid shit.

She mistook my silence for something else and smiled sadly, before turning away. I almost panicked when she did that. I didn't want her to go just yet. I grabbed her hand and intertwined my fingers with hers.

That was when I felt it. I raised her hand to check and see if I wasn't imagining it.

Her finger was bare. She wasn't wearing her wedding band.

* * *

***grins* I told you you'll love our Bella. ;)**

**What do you think it means?**


	6. Chapter 6 Forever scarred

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

To **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed,** thank you for shaping this chapter into what it is now. You girls rock! lol

Thank you to **EBS** for all the help. All mistakes are still mine, however.

Just so you know, I don't have a specific schedule for posting. At the moment, I have another chapter ready so I decided to post. Hopefully I would be able to do this often. *crosses fingers*

For the readers of **MP**, please bear with me...again. I was supposed to get the new chapter done and ready to post. However, while I went over the one I had already written to polish, I ended up re-writing the whole thing. So now I have a new one, and hopefully no more changes will be done to it. Next chapter will be soon, I promise!

This chapter will hopefully clarify some things about Bella. If it doesn't, then...*insert hands inside pockets, and pouts*

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Forever scarred**

Bella

Edward was still holding my hand and staring at it intently. His gaze was burning a hole in the finger that should have housed a wedding band.

_Shit!_

I could feel the heat of his hand on mine. It was too tempting to get lost in his touch, the same touch that had left me burning and yearning before. It was dangerous to keep going back to the past. So instead I concentrated on not giving away what I felt. It was difficult for me not to pull my hand away roughly, but I restrained myself from doing so and successfully maintained a nonchalance I would be proud of. I hoped my face didn't show what was really going on inside me. Him knowing wasn't something I could afford.

He didn't seem to have any inclination of returning my hand though, so I slowly eased my hand out of his tight grip, instantly missing his touch. I said goodbye quickly, thankful I didn't stutter.

I left him staring after me, confused and irritated. There was nothing more dangerous to my resolve than having Edward Cullen within very close proximity of me.

My heart was pounding erratically as I strode toward the elevators. I released a long sigh, hoping it would relieve the tension within me.

As always, Edward's nearness had completely rattled me. What added to all my nervousness earlier was the fact he had noticed the absence of a ring. I knew he was about to ask the question I wasn't prepared to answer, so I bolted. I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he would find out. If I lied exceptionally well, I knew he would have believed me; that was, if I could lie properly, which I couldn't.

James was in Chicago where he was needed. I needed to be here, anywhere except that city. I couldn't stay there knowing Edward was in the same place as me. James understood, like he always did. But now Edward was here, and it was like fate was fucking with the both of us. I didn't like it, not one bit. I had to go away so I could preserve what little sanity I had left.

The entire elevator ride was enough for me to make up a plan. There was nothing left for me to do here in Brazil now that he was here. He was too close; I had no choice but to get away again. It was for the best, even if he wouldn't agree with me.

I had to remind myself that even if the temptation of going to him was so great, I couldn't allow myself to get hurt again. He didn't know that the strength and courage I had shown him when we were together were entirely built on shaky foundation and had crumbled down into pieces that night before the wedding. He would never know what he did to me. It was best to leave everything as it was.

I mentally went over the plan I had devised in the short elevator ride up to my suite. I could book a flight tonight, knowing all too well it would cost me double. The only problem to my plan was I didn't know where I would be going. Alice and Jasper were in Hawaii for their honeymoon, and I definitely couldn't crash that intimate party. Chicago was out of the question since both James and Jake would kick my ass if they knew I didn't take a much-needed vacation.

Maybe I could go back to California for a day or two, just to visit some friends there, or maybe Paris.

_As long as I could fly away from here, I didn't care._

I knew Edward wanted to talk to me, and I couldn't make-up an excuse to avoid him if he did. I really need him to stay away, so I would go.

Some people might say running away was what I did best. Yes, they were totally right about that part. That was what I had been doing all my life…ever since that fateful day my mother died.

I didn't want to think about it, not now, not ever. I closed my eyes and chanted some shit so I could push away all the bad memories of that day in my head.

_All that blood. _

_Her hands splayed out as if she was reaching for something._

_Her eyes. _

_Those blank, dead eyes staring at me. _

_Oh my, God!_

I couldn't breathe. I pulled the collar of my sweater in the attempt to allow air to pass through my chest. It didn't work. I was hyperventilating. _Don't panic, Bella! Shit!_

I wrapped my hands around my waist and sat down, taking in long deep breaths and exhaling loudly, just like the shrink told me to do.

Flitting from one place to another was what I did best. I stayed until the urge to move again would come and consume me. It was never actually the place or the people that affected me. It was when I became attached to someone new that I got scared.

People said I was flighty, but I didn't care. It gave me the excuse I needed. No one would know about my fear, and I could mask away the insecurity that stemmed from my mother's death.

I knew it was my fault Renee was dead. _It has always been my fault_.

My mother died, and I had been running away. That was the only way I knew how to cope.

Jasper had once told me it was okay for me to stop in one place long enough to commit to something I love, be comfortable, and be happy. It wouldn't hurt me to do that. I never listened to him. Not until I met Edward did I do what Jasper said.

I stopped and stayed so I could be happy, truly happy.

That didn't go too well.

I never did any of that again.

Edward and everything that he did had been nothing but a lie. Why else would he be making out with Tanya the night before we were supposed to wed? He had betrayed me and killed the only hope I had left that I was someone really worth fighting for.

My heart ached at that thought.

I was never, ever worthy of anyone's love. That was the main reason I had fled. I was so afraid Edward would confirm it, and I would be more devastated than his act of betrayal with Tanya.

Fear was gripping me now. Having Edward here in Rio at the same time I was could cause some complications. Something I wasn't prepared for.

There was a knock on the door, and I slowly raised myself up from the floor. My shaky legs wobbled, and I removed my shoes in the hopes I would steady myself.

The door opened to reveal a disheveled Edward.

"What are you doing here?" I asked shakily. I tried to hold the door just enough so he wouldn't have the idea I wanted him inside, but he slowly pushed the door, inviting himself in.

"We need to talk," he clipped, as he ran his hand over his hair, a sign he was agitated.

I sensed his wariness and I got scared. I didn't want his barrage of explanations of what happened that night with him and Tanya, because I might just believe him. Even if it would be all lies he would be feeding me, I desperately wanted to do just that. I really had no shame.

He might even tell me why he lied about that meeting in California. I had waited for him because that was what Alice had said. He wanted to talk and explain, but he never showed up. I knew now he didn't love me, and I couldn't bear to listen to any of what he wanted to say. Most of all, I couldn't bear hearing him say all the reasons behind why he chose Tanya over me.

It would kill me to know.

It was best not to know.

"Edward, I don't think this is a good idea," I started, but he kept advancing towards me. Suddenly I was pushed up against the wall, and Edward was breathing so close to me. I could see his eyes darken and I closed mine. I wanted to remain cordial and friendly, just like what I did when I saw him at the supermarket, but he was making it hard for me to do that. He was too close for comfort, and it was fucking with my mind.

_He was too close!_

"When was it ever a good time for you, huh?" he muttered, his breath fanning my cheeks. I tried to control the tingling it caused me.

I tried to push him away, but he didn't budge.

"Edward, please," I said. My heart was escalating out of control. He was staring at my lips, and I knew he would kiss me any moment.

That would be a mistake.

"I could please you, Soft lips," he whispered, his eyes still on my lips. "Just say the words."

"No! I..I…Edward, just go," I pleaded desperately. I turned my face and waited for him to give me some space. He never did.

I felt him touch my jaw, moving my face so I was staring at him. His nostrils were flaring, and he was breathing rapidly.

"I'm married," I squeaked, in a lame attempt to prevent him from kissing me.

"I don't fucking care!" he growled. I tried to push him away one last time, but his hold tightened, then he smashed his lips to mine, and I was lost. I was in heaven and in hell.

His tongue sought entrance, and I allowed my lips to part. His mouth was hot and demanding. Soon I was lost in our kiss. His taste was so familiar, so intoxicating; I couldn't stop kissing him if I wanted to. My hands were wrapped around his neck, and I was tugging on his hair as he attacked my mouth like he was starving.

He was grinding his hips against mine. I could feel his erection - long, hard, and strong and ready to fuck me if I allowed him.

His mouth was doing all sorts of things to me, clouding my mind. I was moaning, and he was grunting. I loved the sounds we were making. It reminded me of our days together.

He was fondling my breasts, rolling and pinching one nipple with his fingers, and I wasn't stopping him. It felt so good to have his hands all over me again. I was on fire, and I wanted to go burn. The heat between my legs was getting unbearable, and he was the only one who could put out the flames. I wanted him to fuck me.

"Why did you leave me?" he rasped.

The memory of his lips and hands on Tanya stilled me. I remember standing for what seemed like hours while he dry-humped his ex. The memories were still so painful. All the hurt I had tried to bury and forget came back full force. My stomach started churning, and I was on the verge of throwing up the contents of my stomach. I pushed Edward away so hard.

"Leave, you asshole! Fucking leave, or I'm going to call the cops!" I hissed, pushing him toward the door. He was stunned, and the shock might be the reason why he wasn't putting up much of a fight when I was literally throwing him out of my room. He even staggered backward at one point. My whole body was shaking, and I was afraid I would fall down any moment now.

I could see the pain in his eyes, but I was too focused on mine to care. _It's too late now_. I didn't want to have anything to do with him.

We were both fucked, and there was nothing anyone could do to rectify what we had.

I kept that thought while I threw up on the floor.

* * *

**Hmmm...so, you want to tell me what you think about this? **

**I really want to know. **


	7. Chapter 7 Pickles and peanut butter

A/N: I do not own Twilight.

**_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **are my betas. They are awesome...and I flove them. =)

Thank you to **EBS** for all the help. All mistakes are still mine, however.

Please be patient. Edward and Bella will have their much-needed talk, but not in this chapter. Very soon, I promise. You just have to trust me. If you don't...*shrugs*

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Pickles and peanut butter**

"So are you planning on staying long?" Aro asked. He had a cigar in one hand, a trademark of his that was popular with the press. _The billionaire recluse that loves his money as much as he loves his cigars _was the common repeated phrase when he was described_._ We were on the deck of his log home in Colorado overlooking the fairway of a golf course. Even if he had many better houses all over the world than this one, he loved it here. This was his fortress, his refuge.

"I'm not sure yet," I replied as I swirled the scotch around in my glass. He offered me a box full of his Cuban cigars, but I declined. "You're here with me, and that has always been a reason for me to stay longer."

"You're so full of shit, son." He chuckled before taking the cigar between his lips. I smiled. He was more of a father to me than a business associate. He was the one who taught me the ins and outs of the investing world. I was rich because of him.

"Don't you have some better things to do than hang out with an old man like me? Some girls to screw?" he asked teasingly, glancing my way. "Because if I was still your age, I would be banging every girl I meet."

I gave him a snort. At age sixty-five, he was still banging every woman he met who was willing to put up with his eccentricities.

"You know I don't lack beautiful women interested in me, old man. The question is if they're interesting enough to make me want to give them a chance," I replied smugly.

"I bet those women would choose me over you, boy."

"Of course, you're richer than me."

He laughed at that, and I joined in, happy I had decided to visit him. I missed the old fucker.

"Haven't seen you in almost six months. Why the sudden visit? Don't tell me you're ready to admit that you missed me, and that's why you're here…because I won't believe it," he stated nonchalantly, his lips curved upwards in a smile. He was jostling me to engage in our banter he loved so much.

"I'm just trying to cool off. Take my mind off some things." I tried to keep my voice impassive, but I think he knew me too well to know something was plaguing me.

"Why? Is there something you wanna talk about?" He had his cigar halfway to his mouth; his eyes were carefully scrutinizing me. I tried to ignore him, but Aro could always read me easily, like I was some kind of crystal ball.

"Is your being here have something to do with your ex-fiancé?" he asked cautiously. I was certain he intentionally didn't mention Bella's name in respect of my feelings.

I tried to avoid his eyes. I took a sip of my scotch, contemplating on what to say to him.

"Look at me, Edward," he said authoritatively. I heard him move. He was now turned sideways and looking at me through his lashes while he smoked his cigar. "You're like a son to me, and I love you. I hate to see you like this."

I frowned, knowing where this conversation was headed. "Like what?" I asked, still trying to act as if I didn't know what he meant.

Somehow, I knew we would end up talking about Bella. I even wished it. That was the main reason I was here. Selfish as it was, I didn't come here to see him. I wanted to hear him say it to my face…how fucked my life was.

"Like you don't care, like it's not killing you. But I know you, Boy, it's eating you up…consuming you," he said so matter-of-factly. I could feel the anxiety build up and ran through me. He was right, he was absolutely right. I felt my hand grip the glass tightly, trying to transfer the tension to the inanimate object. "I know about the therapies, remember? She was the reason you needed those. And I bet my old crinkled ass, you're still not over her."

There was no use acting stupid, like I didn't know he was correct on his assessment of me. I sighed and ran my hand over my hair.

"She's married, Aro."

He seemed to contemplate what I just said. He continued to smoke, his forehead crinkling into a frown, telling me he was deep in thought. A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke.

"Do you remember Midnight?" he asked so suddenly. The cigar was still in between his lips, and he was chewing on it.

"Oh, yeah. The stallion you were so in love with," I told him. "So what about him?"

"Remember how I fought to get Midnight from Cauis?" he continued, not looking at me but at the scenery before us. Midnight was a racehorse that was owned by Cauis. Aro fell in love with the black thoroughbred the moment he laid eyes on it. If you asked me, there wasn't anything special about the horse, but what did I know? Aro wanted it, so he did everything to get it. He offered Cauis a certain amount of money for the horse. However, Cauis, who was a crafty businessman, refused several times. Finally, they agreed on a price that was three times the price of Midnight.

"Yes, I remember. You paid so much for that one horse that doesn't even look any different from a normal horse," I taunted, and he scowled. "You paid a million dollars for an animal just to die after you paid the owner. If you ask me, you got a shitty deal out of that." Unknowingly, Aro purchased a sick horse and Cauis had kept that information from him. A few weeks after procurement, it had come to Aro's attention Midnight had some kind of disease, and the vet advised he be put to sleep. An animal lover, Aro agreed immediately.

I heard him chuckle. Obviously, he wasn't bitter about it any longer. Maybe he did get some kind of revenge on Cauis I didn't know about.

"So a million dollars lost is a laughing matter? You're one weird soul. I'm sure of that now."

"It's a given fact that I am. But what do we say about you then? Hanging around some old recluse eccentric."

"I'm more fucked up than you, Aro."

"Damn, you're so right there, son."

"So why did you mention Midnight, old man?" I stared at him, knowing he wanted to tell me something by talking about the horse that consumed him almost eight years ago.

"Listen well, Edward." He pursed his lips before he turned his piercing gaze at me. "I wanted that motherfucking horse, and I got it. I paid a lot for that thoroughbred, but shit I'm rich, money isn't an object. I wanted him, so I bought him. At the end of it all, I still got to own him, and that was the most important thing." His eyes held something. I wasn't quite sure what, but I had a funny feeling he was on to something. I could feel his eyes boring into mine.

"If you want something so bad, there won't be anything or anyone that would keep you away from it. Determination is the key, my friend."

I knew he wasn't talking about the horse anymore.

I sighed.

"You're one dumb asshole, that's what you are," he muttered loudly. "Fucking with another girl when you had the one you wanted all along. Stupid, stupid!"

I clenched my jaw in irritation. Hearing I was fucked up wasn't new. I have heard it all actually, but coming from Aro just cemented that kissing Tanya was a monumental mistake. I had my reasons and if only Bella had listened, I knew she would have understood. Goddamn, she didn't give me a chance to do that.

"Are you going to let her go just like that?" he asked so suddenly. He reached for a pickle beside his chair and dipped it in peanut butter. It was an odd combination, but I was used to Aro's weirdness by now so nothing shocked me when it came to him. It looked nasty, but he swears by it.

"So you're deaf now? I asked you a question boy, now goddamn answer me!" he snapped, his mouth in a sneer, waiting impatiently for my answer. One of Aro's faults was he had a very short temper, something I think I inherited environmentally from him, if there was such a thing.

"Edward, I asked you a question. I think you owe me at least that. Are you going to let Bella go just like that?"

"She's fucking married, okay? What's there to do?"

It was the first time I had admitted defeat openly. My heart rebelled on that thought of just giving up. Just a few days ago, I was even adamant on stealing her away from her husband, but she didn't seem to want me anymore. Physically, I was sure she was still attracted to me. I knew I could get her to fuck me again if I tried, but I wanted her to love me. I wanted her to emotionally want me like I needed her. Not just in the physical aspect, because that was only always a temporary thing, everyone knew that.

"So you're telling me that because she is married to some douche, you're just letting her go? Then you're a fucking fool! I taught you better than that," he snapped angrily. He huffed, his lips pursed, his hand was now holding the pickle instead of the cigar.

"How the fuck do you even know her husband is a douche?" I asked, irritated. He had no right to push me around.

"Well, if she married someone who isn't you, then he is a douche in my book."

I wanted to kiss him at the moment. Instead I chuckled. Aro and I definitely had the same way of thinking. He really did teach me well.

"What's so funny, boy?" he asked, his forehead in a frown. But I could see the edge of his lips curl, a beginning of a smile.

"You," I answered. I glanced at him. "You think like me." His eyes shone. If I was not mistaken, he seemed to be proud of me; proud I became just like him.

"No, you think like me. You best remember I'm fucking older than you. I'm the teacher and you're the student."

He leaned forward, still chewing his pickle, and patted my back. It was a sign of affection and I appreciated it.

"You go get her, boy. You couldn't be whole without your other half. Damn what the rest of the world thinks! She belongs with you…to you."

With that he stood up, leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Will I be seeing you in Palm Beach?"

"Yes," I answered. Volturi Beach Resort was opening in a few weeks. I owned a forty percent share. I didn't know anything about running a hotel, but I invested, knowing my money would grow. It was what I did. I put my money where I would gain from others' knowledge and expertise. I was in the business of making money from other people's hard work. Aro had taught me everything about how to do it; that was why my grandfather was so fucking proud of me now.

"Give me a visit when you get her back, okay? I demand it."

I nodded, grateful for his support.

"I'll do that."

"Now, get up and go get her back."

I stood up, still holding the glass of scotch. I wiped one sweaty hand on my jeans.

"I'll do that too."

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

I was looking at all the information about Bella scattered in front of me - everything she had been doing and where she had been for the year and a half after she left me. I had finally succumbed to my urge of hiring that private detective, especially after I had that talk with Aro. It had taken the investigator almost a week before he came back with everything he could find on Isabella Swan.

It had been over a month since I saw her in Brazil. Once again, she had disappeared on me. That incident plus Aro's support, prompted me to finally look for reasons why she left me, why she was married now. Maybe in knowing what she did in the months after her ditching me would give me some insight and answers I desperately needed.

She was all I could think of, and it was driving me mad. Even though I really needed to let go of her and move on, I couldn't seem to do it, no matter what anybody said. It was consuming me.

She was currently working as a waitress at a small bar in Seattle. I wondered what came into that pretty little head of hers…why she decided to work at such a mundane place. Jasper would never allow her to do that. He loathed when she would go search jobs that were beneath her station. I wasn't a snob, but Isabella was a fine arts graduate. Not to mention, she had loads of money. She didn't need to work, especially to serve and wait on people. She could even buy the whole goddamn bar she was working in.

_And where the hell was her husband?_ He was supposed to be providing for her, protect her. There was little information about him, and from what I could see, it seemed he was not that interesting. _James Hunter from Canada_. He had gotten married to Bella only four months ago. That bit made me frown.

I scanned the papers again that held the information of where Bella had been before her brother's wedding. She was in Rome for a few months; then she went to New York, where she worked at a museum. She had restored some well-known paintings there. Bella was one damn good artist, and I would rather she painted than do this whole restoration crap.

_Did she stop painting? _I didn't want to believe she had changed so much in the eighteen months I hadn't seen her, but there were a lot of things different about her, and it was hard to get my head around it. She seemed to be pre-occupied with other shit like cooking and grocery shopping that she didn't do before when we were together. I wonder why that was.

She was still one damn big enigma to me. I had loved her, lived with her, and fucked her all the ways I could, but it seemed I didn't know her at all.

I gathered all the papers and stored them in the drawer. I needed to make a trip to Seattle. If I had to kidnap her, then so be it. I needed to finish this once and for all.

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**Any thoughts on this Aro? I like writing him. ;)**

**If your PM is disabled, I can't respond to any of your messages/reviews. Just making that clear, so there will be no confusion as to why you didn't receive a reply from me.**


	8. Chapter 8 Wake up to the truth

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to**_ A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **for going over this chapter and shaping it into what it is now. =)

Thank you to **EBS**. They're super fast in answering all of my questions.

All mistakes are still mine, however.

**Thank you for those who reviewed/alerted/faved this story. I appreciate you giving this one a chance. Hugs and kisses to everyone reading! =)**

**For all those who are asking...yes, Bella is married to James. **

This is longer than usual since I merged two chapters into one, but this will be a rare occurrence since I love my chapters short. Anyway, here goes.

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Wake up to the truth**

"_Life is like a dream…you always wake up to the truth and sometimes it sucks." - Anonymous_

I slid out of my rental car and slowly made way inside the quaint little bar. It was a little after three in the afternoon, so there were only a few patrons at this hour. I picked a table at one corner, hoping to not attract attention, not before I saw her. I needed to assess the situation so I would know how to proceed.

The bar smelt of coffee and cigarettes. The smell plus the nervousness was churning my stomach, but I pushed the feeling away.

I hadn't been able to sleep last night, scared of what this meeting would come to. I wasn't even sure if Bella was here today. I haven't seen her yet.

A red-haired waitress came and tried to get my order. She eyed me curiously, knowing for certain I wasn't from here. I was wearing clothes that were far more expensive than those of the people around me. The waitress didn't talk much, and I was glad for that.

She stood beside me, clearly waiting for my order. I didn't want anything; I just wanted Bella. "Is Isabella Swan here?"

"Why do you ask?" she questioned, her brows squished together. She was suddenly cautious, and it irritated me. She was trying to fucking read me, and I didn't like it, not one bit. The way she was looking at me made me feel like I was some kind of a threat.

"I just need to talk to her," I answered, trying to be as cordial as I could be. She was the only one who could help me at the moment. "Please."

She assessed my appearance, and I was really on the verge of asking what the hell her problem with me was. It took me a lot more control, but I held my tongue, hoping she would go find Bella before I could insult her.

"I'll be back," was all she said before she turned around, her wide hips sashaying like she owned the motherfucking place.

I just sat there, drumming my fingers on the table. Other patrons were now starting to turn around and blatantly stare at me. I clenched my teeth, hating all the attention. Even if it was just a simple stare, I still loathed it. It was like they were examining me under a microscope, and I felt naked and vulnerable. I knew this was a common occurrence in a small town - the obvious scrutiny to strangers, but I wasn't used to it. If it weren't for my need to see Bella, I would have left the moment the strange stares were sent my way.

It was another couple of minutes of weirdness and feeling suffocated by the uncomfortable silence surrounding me, before I heard the name of Bella being called by the customers.

"Hey Bella, how yah doing this fine day?" I heard a male voice shout. I fisted my hand and tried not to let that affect me.

"I'll be back for you, Henry. I just have to talk to someone, okay?" I heard her answer back. It was then I realized she didn't know it was me. The red-haired waitress didn't ask for my name, and I didn't give it to her.

_Dammit!_ My palms were sweating, knowing she would be near.

I was in a corner where I couldn't see where she would be coming from. My heart was racing, and my breathing was becoming labored.

_Chill man, you can do this. You need to do this!_

I felt her presence near before I actually saw her. She had her hair up in a messy bun and was wearing a waitress uniform. She had her head bent, returning what looked like a pad of paper inside her pocket. I stared at her intently; my breath was coming in short gasps as I waited for her reaction to me. I could hear the loud beating of my own heart; it was all I could hear.

Then her brown eyes locked with mine, and I literally stopped breathing. I was gripping the edge of the table, trying to get some kind of support from it.

Her face told me everything she was feeling. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, I stood up.

"Bella," I whispered. It seemed I had lost all the speech I rehearsed last night. I reached for her hand, but she pulled away like she would burn if I touched her.

I slid my hands inside my pocket, and told her the only thing I could.

"Please, I need to talk to you," I rasped. My chest seemed to constrict at what I had to tell her next. "If you give this to me, I promise to leave you alone after we talk. Just please, Bella."

I could feel all eyes on us, and I didn't care. The only thing important right now was Bella. Her decision was something that could affect our future.

She looked undecided, and she started to frown. "You promise?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. I knew it was a mistake to promise something I wasn't sure I could give. But I had to do it…I had to or she would leave.

"I still have another few hours before my shift ends," she said quietly, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"It's okay, I can wait," I answered quickly, not wanting her to change her mind. She had agreed, and I should feel relieved, but I wasn't. Now, I had to figure out what to say to make her understand and come back to me.

_How the hell would I do that?_

"Do you want something?" she asked, biting her lip. _Yes, I want you._

"Maybe a beer," I said, not breaking my gaze with her. She was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

"Okay." That was all she said before she turned around and walked away. I was left alone again.

xxxxxxxxxx

I was staring at her, my eyes never left her form. She was walking ahead of me, and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of her even for even a single second.

"You have to follow me," she started saying. Her face was turned to me now and it took me a couple of seconds to comprehend what she just said. Her brows were raised as if she was suddenly irritated at me.

"Okay, Soft- Bella," I answered. "Where-"

She didn't wait for me to finish my question, but turned around and slid inside her car. She was driving a silver Audi, her favorite brand of car.

She led me to another restaurant. I was confused; I thought she would like more privacy and take me somewhere there were less people.

I didn't say anything though. I just followed her inside. She chose a table at the far end of the room. It was kind of a secluded table, and I was relieved. I wanted this conversation to be private, and the chance of people overhearing wouldn't be a good thing.

We didn't say anything to each other until both our drinks had arrived.

"What do you want, Edward?" she asked bluntly. She held her chin up, as if trying to brave it out and talk to me. She was holding her cup of coffee, not making a move to drink it, just running her finger over the rim.

I took a sip of my cappuccino, intending to relieve my agitation with caffeine, which was weird since coffee increases tension. Instead, I almost choked on the liquid. I was too focused on Bella that I forgot my nervousness. I wiped my mouth, stalling.

She scowled at me, clearly knowing what I was doing. I coughed once more, clearing my throat.

"Bella, I'm supposed to be doing some explaining; because that was my full intention for coming here," I started, holding the cup tightly so my hands wouldn't start shaking. "But I really don't know where to start."

"I'm really wondering why there's this desperate need for you to explain yourself especially after all these months of not hearing from you? It's been almost nineteen months now since that…that incident happened and I haven't seen you…and it confuses me why there's this sudden rush all of a sudden," she said quietly. Her words didn't make sense, and I was about to ask her when she cut me off. "What do you think your explanation will do? Do you have some grand plan to make all the pain I had endure go away?" Her eyes told me of her pain, and I wanted to reach out and hold her.

"Bella, I don't…"

"Or maybe you could raise some kind of magic wand and turn back time to ensure that we never met," she continued, as if she didn't hear me speak. Her voice was low, but I could trace the hint of anger behind her words. "Because, believe me, I wished for that so badly. Then there wouldn't have been a chance for you to hurt me."

"Shit, don't think I didn't get hurt, Bella." My heart was beating so fast, my chest hurt. " I did, I fucking did!"

"It would've been better if I haven't experienced you in my life."

"You don't mean that," I croaked, my voice shaky. I didn't want to believe she regretted me…us.

She looked down at the table; her chest was heaving. She was reining in her anger, of that I was certain. When she raised her head again, she was still eerily calm.

"So what happened to Tanya?" she asked. She looked so pale, as if mentioning Tanya's name was so disgusting an act she may be sick. "Not only did you kiss that night, I heard you started fucking her after I left."

I closed my eyes, willing my frustrations to go away. This conversation was dangerously getting out of control, and I couldn't do anything about it. I never wanted it to be like this.

"I told you, I didn't fuck her! Why don't you believe me? I yelled, and I knew we were now attracting attention. I lowered my voice, still wanting to be left alone. Other people might think I was up to something, and they could come near and start asking questions. I didn't want that to happen. That was why I had wanted a more private setting. "You jumped to conclusions, and you never gave me chance to explain!" I hissed.

"You don't deserve it!"

I grabbed her hand and held on it tightly. She started pulling away; her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Please, I don't think I can do this," she whispered, pleading. My heart broke. She looked ready to cry. Bella's tears were always like knives piercing through my heart. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to know I had caused them.

"Bella, we need to-," I started saying, but she shook her head frantically.

"I promise next time, just not now," she cried, her voice hoarse. "I don't think I can take it now. Just give me a little more time. Maybe when Ja-," she started saying, but stopped herself. "A little more time, Edward." Her hands were shaking, and I held her hands in mine. My hands were also trembling, but I wanted to reassure her.

"Okay…okay, Soft Lips," I agreed, relenting to her request. "Just make sure you keep that promise." I held her eyes, making sure she knew I was goddamn serious about this.

"Thank you," she whispered, giving me a sad smile. My heart soared, knowing I did that – I made her smile, even if it was a very small act.

"What happened to you, Soft Lips?" I asked softly, my eyes still locked on her face. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she lied. She couldn't meet my eyes, and she started biting her lip.

"Did I hurt you so bad you couldn't forgive me? Was I so bad?" I asked, scared of her answer. She raised her eyes to me then. "Did you love me at all?"

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She closed it again and bit her lip. She didn't answer me, and it broke my heart.

"Was leaving me worth it?"

"No," she answered, "but I needed to."

She didn't elaborate any further and clearly had no intention of doing so. She looked so pained. I held her hand tightly in mine. I was drawing some strength from her touch.

I need to know what happened. Maybe when I get back the old Bella, I could make her fall in love with me again.

"I'll be leaving for Chicago next week, Edward. James needs me," she informed, looking quite uncomfortable. "I don't want you coming near me when I'm there. Just stay away, okay?"

_How could I answer that?_ I didn't want to promise that because I goddamn intend to keep any promise I made to her. The mention of her husband again sent a chill to my spine, running out as goose bumps on my skin.

I couldn't let her go back there. I needed to make her fall in love with me again, before she went back to him.

However impossible it was, I was determined to do it. Aro was right. He was fucking right. Bella was my other half, my soul mate. I couldn't be without her, even if I tried.

Now, what will I do to make that happen?

xxxxxxxxxx

For four whole days, I sat in the same spot of the restaurant where Bella worked.

The day after my first visit here, I came back just to see her. I thought she would throw me out, but surprisingly, she didn't. I just sat at one isolated table, knowing I would be able to observe her while she worked. Bella didn't mind me being there, but she never made a move to engage me in any kind of conversation. At least she served me coffee all day; after all, I was there basically stalking her. In some fucked up way, I loved the exchange of meaningful stares between us; maybe because I knew this was all I could have with her now. She was running away from me anymore. For that I was glad. If all she could give me was her silence, I would take it over her bailing out on me every chance she got. This was better…for now.

As her shift ended, I readied myself to follow her car. It was as if I had methodically fallen into a routine within the four days I had been here. I would follow her with my rented car from the restaurant to the little house she was living in, park at one side and stare at her window until she turned off the light, then reluctantly go back to the only decent hotel of this town.

I saw her Audi signaled left, and I slowed my car to do the same. The Volvo I was driving was so near her car, I could see her checking me out from her rearview mirror. Bella was aware I had been following her to her house after her shift. She didn't say anything or do anything to stop me, but she didn't speak to me either.

When we stopped at her house, I parked at my usual spot, just a few meters away from her door. Staying meant I could at least feel I was somehow still a part of her life; that nothing had changed between us.

I remained inside the car, just observing Bella as she trudged through the narrow pathway leading to her house. She stopped for a moment, looking confused and turned to look my way. Our eyes locked for a few seconds before she frowned and turned away. She fumbled with her key for a few minutes before she was able to finally open it. I sighed, knowing she would disappear inside once again. I would be left resigned to stay for a few hours, until the weariness of my situation with her was too much to bear, and I would leave with a heavy heart. However, my heart lurched when I saw her look at me again before going inside, leaving the door open. It was an invitation, of that I was sure.

My stalking was finally rewarded. _This is what I wanted, right?_ Then why then did I feel that my world was about to collapse? I didn't know how to react to this sudden change of decision from her. It was so abrupt I feared it would only mean it was something bad.

_Do I go inside?_

I stared undecided at the open door for a few minutes, scared it would mean the end of days like this, where she gave me allowances to just be with her in any way I could. Finally, I slid out of the car. I took slow steps toward the small house. All the while, never taking my eyes away from the door, afraid any minute she would slam it shut.

I coughed, trying to get myself under control. My jumbled nerves were not helping me at all. I wiped my sweaty hands on my pants and tried to fix my now rumpled shirt in an attempt to impress her. If only Aro could see me now. I looked like a fumbling fool. He would surely mock me and laugh at how I was acting - as if I never saw a fucking woman before.

I stood outside the open door, contemplating my next step. I really wasn't sure if I was reading all the signs correctly. I didn't want to fuck it all up again. _Oh, God I hope I'm right about this._

I was right outside her house, just a few tiny steps away from her little home. I could even see her living room from where I was standing. I don't know for sure how long I stood there just battling with myself whether to go in or turn back to my car.

I heard soft music coming from somewhere inside her home. The soothing melody gave me the guts to finally make the decision to enter.

"There you are," I heard Bella say. Hearing the sound of her voice amidst the loud thumping of my heart startled me. I turned around quickly to find her standing in the middle of her living room, looking ethereal and so goddamn sexy in the short floral dress she was wearing. "I thought you got lost or something on the way here. I would hate to have closed the door on you."

"I wasn't sure if you were really inviting me in," I said, scratching the back of my head.

"Oh, don't be stupid. Of course, I was! You know damn well I always close the door. You've been out there enough for the past several days to know an open door was an invitation. It was so obvious," she said. I could see her roll her eyes, and I almost chuckled. She used to annoy me with that shit, but now I just missed it.

She was moving toward the sofa and motioned for me to follow. She sat down, and I followed suit, sitting down opposite her.

"Ahmm, why am I here, Bella?" I asked curiously. My stomach felt like it had so many fucking butterflies fluttering around.

"I'm ready to talk."

_Oh, shit!_ I was shocked. This was the last thing I expected to happen. I stared at her, my eyes searching her face. She looked so composed and so controlled. I became scared all over again.

"Okay," I whispered, surprised I was still able to speak. I shifted on my seat, wishing I could find a comfortable position. I needed it. This was the talk I had wanted. The talk that would explain everything. The talk that could break me even more; the talk I was dreading. _Fuck!_

"Please don't interrupt me, okay?" she asked. She was biting her lip, and her hands were wringing together, signs she was as agitated as I was.

I nodded. My heart was pounding so hard my head was starting to ache. I could feel my chest constrict and closed my eyes for a moment to concentrate on my breathing. _Please don't let me fucking vomit in front of her!_

"Edward?" I heard her say, and I opened my eyes. I gave her an encouraging smile, waiting for her to start.

"The night of the wedding…remember I was supposed to stay at our house? That I wasn't supposed to see you, because it's bad luck and all that shit?" she asked, her voice shaky. She looked so pale now, but she was clearly putting on a brave front just so she could talk to me about it.

I ran my hand through my hair, wishing I didn't have to hear this. Bella was looking at me expectantly, and I realized I hadn't answered her question. I quickly nodded, and she proceeded.

"Well, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, but still sleep eluded me," she said. "I couldn't sleep without you."

_Yeah, I remembered, because I was doing the same thing she was doing. _

She took a long deep breath, and then raised her eyes to me. The pain I saw in them knocked me off my feet. I was familiar with all of it. My insides screamed to just hold her and never let her go, but there was something in the way she held herself that said she wouldn't allow me comforting her. Instead, I held onto the arms of the chair tightly, my fingers digging deeply into the leather.

"Then I told Alice I would go to you. As expected, she protested…but I argued with her. I was determined to see you that night. Alice was pissed, so she told Jasper in the hopes he could stop me. Anyway, to make things short, I got my way. Alice drove me to your house, intending to just drop me off. But when we got to your place, I was shocked to see Tanya's car in the driveway," she recited the events of that night. All the while Bella was talking, she was staring somewhere at my head, not looking at me directly.

I started to open my mouth, but decided to close it again. I didn't know what to say. Even I was certain I made a major mistake that night.

"Alice didn't leave me. She told me she would wait for me. Maybe it was the way I reacted at the sight of Tanya's car, or maybe it was simply because Alice had a feeling something was wrong…I dunno, but she stayed," Bella said, looking so defeated all of a sudden.

"It was a good thing she did stay, because I don't know…I don't know what I would've done after...after," Bella stuttered, clearly trying to control her tears. I leaned forward, wanting to reach for her hand, but I knew she wouldn't appreciate it. I just clenched my fist, feeling the muscles contract painfully.

"Bella –" I started, but she raised her hand to stop me.

"Anyway, I had this funny feeling in my gut while I walked toward your door, but I didn't mind it. I was so excited to see you, I didn't pay attention…not until I saw you…with her." Her eyes were brimming with tears, and I cursed. I didn't want her to fucking cry. It pained me to see her like that.

I knew what Bella saw. I was literally making out with my ex-girlfriend in my own home.

"I stood there for five goddamn minutes, Edward. My heart was shattering looking at her literally shove her tongue inside your throat. But I wanted to be sure I was not getting the wrong impression. I didn't want to be that girl that assumed I saw something I didn't." She placed her hand over her face, rubbing her eyes with the palm of her hand.

When she raised her head, her eyes were red. Her breathing was ragged, and I knew she was holding in her tears. I knew I had hurt her so much.

_I was a fucking fool!_

"She was all over you, and you weren't doing anything to stop her. You were even kissing her back!" she said. I tried to open my mouth, but nothing came out. Hearing her side, of what she saw that night was like a kick in the gut. I couldn't even fathom why I ever thought it was a good idea to kiss Tanya that night. I could even picture what Bella saw. _Oh my God_! Surely she saw Tanya dry humping me, and even though I was only kissing Tanya, it would be difficult for Bella to know that amidst all the grinding Tanya was doing.

"You two didn't seem to have noticed me standing there. Looking at you with her was kind of surreal. I wished I was just imagining the whole scene in front of me." She huffed and clasped her hands together tightly. "As the minutes passed and you still touched her, I literally had to stop myself from attacking you. You would never know how much control it took me to turn around and leave."

"Oh God, Bella. I'm so sorry!"

She wrapped her hands around her waist. She looked so devastated. I knew I would never be able to make it up to her, even if I tried. I stood up from the couch, wanting to go and cradle her in my arms. However, she immediately stood up when she saw me near her. She looked so panicked that I stopped walking.

"No! Just stay where you are," she said angrily.

I stood motionless, just staring at her bewilderedly. I wanted this conversation so bad. I had thought if I could just explain she would understand and take me back. But from what I could see, there was a very slim chance of that happening. I wanted to reverse time again and not go through with this conversation at all, because it hurt…it hurt so fucking much.

"I ran out crying. I didn't even know how I ended up lying on your porch. I totally forgot about Alice, but finally noticed her when she helped me up from the ground. I wanted to die at that moment."

I took a deep breath, and the pain was much worse now. Now that I knew what she felt of my mistake. My hands were trembling, and the pain on her face was literally slicing my heart into two.

"Everything was a blur after that. All of a sudden I was home, and Jasper was so angry. He wanted to go back to your house and mess you up. If didn't beg him, he would've done just that," she continued, her voice trembling. "I couldn't stay another minute more in our house, less in the same city as you. I was having a panic attack. Alice only placated me by promising she would get me out of Chicago the same night…and she did."

_What have I done?_ I never realized my callous actions would have such an effect on her. In my attempt to clarify things with Tanya, I had inadvertently hurt Bella. I made the situation worse, and I never realized it. Not until now.

"That was when we flew to California, and the rest is history."

"I followed you there," I told her, my voice raspy. I stared at her., My hands were now in my pockets, hiding them. I was itching to hold her, but she was not mine any longer. I had no more delusions after her confessions. "I followed you there. To explain," I said dejectedly. "To tell you that kiss with Tanya was nothing. It was nothing."

Her eyes went wide. It was obvious she didn't believe me. _Who would?_ "I waited and waited at the bar of Sears, but you never came. You stood me up."

She looked at me with a frown on her face; confusion was written all over her features.

"Maybe it's a good thing you didn't come, because I was practically drunk on my ass. I would have strangled you for the humiliation you put me through."

"Did you say Sears, Edward?" I heard her ask.

"Yes, Sears. The restaurant of the most famous hotel in California, Bella."

"Alice told me you were going to wait for me at The Spears," she said so softly.

"What?" I asked, not quite sure I heard her right.

"I waited for you at The Spears," she repeated.

"Fuck!" My heart jumped in joy when she confirmed we had a different location for the meeting in California, and that was the reason we never had that meeting. But knowing what I know now didn't change anything between us. She was still married, and I still loved her so fucking much. "Shit, what does this mean?"

"I dunno," she whispered so softly I wasn't sure I heard it correctly.

She slowly made her way to the couch and sat down, her hands on her lap. I moved to kneel in front of her. I tucked my knuckle beneath her chin and raised it.

"Bella, look at me," I said shakily.

"I loved you so much, Edward." She cried, and it was like I was punched in the gut. "Did you know that?"

She tried to smile, but it came across tight and forced. Her brown eyes were looking at me sadly. The pain I saw in them would be forever etched in my brain.

"I'm sorry," I said and leaned my forehead to hers. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Soft Lips. I'm so sorry. "

She sighed, and I could taste her breath in mine. She was so close, and I couldn't help it; I captured her lips in mine.

_Oh, God, I missed her so much!_

I was so pre-occupied with the taste of her lips, I hadn't realized she didn't push me away. The kiss was light and soft, but it wasn't enough. I pressed my lips to hers urgently, coaxing her to open her mouth to me. When she did, my tongue didn't waste any time to explore every crevice. She was giving as good as she was getting. She was biting and sucking on my lips, making me moan against her. It felt so fucking good to hold her again, to taste her.

She fumbled with the buttons of my shirt, and I pushed her back slightly, yanking my shirt open, scattering buttons on the floor.

She was panting, and I was certain she wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" I asked, needing to know she wouldn't regret it. I wanted this so much, but I also wanted her to want it.

She leaned down and kissed me roughly. That was all the answer I needed.

* * *

**See, I told I won't make you wait for their much-needed talk. **

**So, once again tell me your thoughts on this.**

**Next chapter will be after two weeks, or even more. I need to update my other story first. Don't worry I'll make it worth your wait. *winks***


	9. Chapter 9 Kiss me and lie

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

**_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **helped me whip this chapter into shape. Thank you, ladies. ;)

I tweaked it a little, so any mistakes seen are all mine.

_**A little more explanation from E...**_

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Kiss me and lie**

Bella was kissing me, and the feel of her soft lips felt so amazingly familiar…hot and oh, so good.

I never wanted it to end.

I opened my mouth, hungry for a taste of her. This kiss was more than just to quench my thirst. This was my absolution.

It had been too long since I've been kissed. The last time was with Tanya, and it precipitated my distaste to just kiss anyone.

I never wanted another's lips, just Bella's.

I would savor this.

_Oh God, I would savor all of these!_

Bella was grinding her hips against mine. I held her waist, trying to slow her down, but that just made her rub against me harder. My cock was straining against my jeans, wanting so bad to be free from its constraints. Her continuous motion wasn't helping me at all.

Bella was sucking my lower lip, nibbling it, making me moan so loud. She felt so fucking good against me. I was trying to be gentle, making sure she didn't think I only wanted to fuck her. Well, I wanted that…but that was not all I wanted from her. I wanted all of her, just like I did before. I needed her to love me back.

"Baby, slow down," I murmured against her lips. She grabbed my crotch, holding my straining erection against her small hands. I hissed, loving and hating her touch all at the same time.

"I want you," she said, rubbing her hands on my covered cock while kissing me with ardor. "I need to see you, Edward." _Shit!_

She stood up suddenly. Before I could hold her back, she dropped to her knees and fumbled with my jeans.

"Baby, what are you doing?" I asked, trying to stop her from pulling out my cock from its denim prison, but wishing she wouldn't stop either. She ignored me…_Thank Jesus!_…and eventually unzipped my jeans. The feel of her hands on my rigid shaft made me forget all my protests. I raised my hips so she could help me out of my pants before laying back my head on the couch. My excitement peaked at the knowledge of what she was about to do.

She licked her lips before she slowly lowered her head to take me fully inside her mouth.

"Holy fuck!"

She moaned, and the vibration felt so good. I could see her lips wrapped around my shaft, and I lost it.

"Oh God, that's it baby, suck me off," I ranted. Oh, how I missed the way her tongue and lips felt around me. She released me, licking the underside of my cock toward the tip. She held me in one hand, then raised her other hand to rub the tip of my cock with her thumb, collecting my pre-cum. I was mesmerized by her actions. _Oh God, she's so fucking good at this shit! _She then rubbed her thumb on her lower lip, spreading my cum all over it. I almost came at the sight of her…all sexy and oh so fuckable.

Before I could even say anything, she plunged back down, taking me deeper inside her mouth. "Shit…shit!" Her head was bobbing up and down. I wanted so badly to grab her hair and slam her head down, but I didn't. She was my fucking Bella, and I couldn't do that to her. She was too good for that shit.

With much control, I tangled my fingers in her hair, and slowly pulled her head up.

"Soft Lips, stop! I don't think I can take it anymore! Please, I want your pussy." My hands were clenched at my side, desperately trying to hold onto my control and not fucking shoot my load. Not yet.

She slowly stood up, and I smiled. She moved, but I scooted forward on the couch and held her waist in place. She was standing in front of me, her dress in disarray.

"Strip," I commanded, my eyes holding hers. My words had the desired effect, and I could see her brown eyes darken with lust. Slowly, but with confidence, she undressed before me. She had the most gorgeous body I had ever seen. I used to ravage her freely, have my hands over her any time I wanted to take pleasure, and she would return the favor with the same intensity.

_Asshole…that's a thought for another time._

I had her now. I should make it worth her while.

She was standing gloriously naked in front of me, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I ogled her from her face to her tits and down to the curve of her thighs. Her mound was bare, and I suddenly had the urge to put my face between her thighs and devour her. Instead, I did the next best thing. I raised my hand, and slowly trailed my finger along her thighs to her wet folds.

"So wet, baby. So fucking wet," I said, my eyes going back to hers. I slipped two fingers inside her, and she started moving.

"Stop moving, or I'll stop," I demanded, my eyes staring at her intensely. I could smell her arousal, but I couldn't take my eyes away from her face. I started moving my fingers again, and she bit her lip, mewling softly, as I increased my pace.

She spread her legs some more, wanting deeper penetration from my fingers, the same fingers that were now slick with her wetness. The smell, the flush on her face, the sound she was making…they were all making me incredibly harder, all I wanted was to bury myself in her heat. Instead, I continued finger fucking her. She closed her eyes, and I hissed. She looked so beautiful with her tits bouncing as she panted. I closed my free hand around my cock, wanting some friction while I continued my assault on her pussy. Suddenly, I felt her hand cover mine, pressing my fingers deeper inside her, assisting my fingers in sliding in and out of her slick folds.

"You look so fucking good, baby." My eyes had left her face, and I was now mesmerized by the movement of both our fingers sliding in and out of her.

The moans coming from her were fueling my desire, and I couldn't wait much longer. I withdraw my fingers from between her thighs and urged her to straddle me. She quickly complied. Her tits were right in front of me, so invitingly luscious. I latched onto one nipple, sucking on it as if there was no tomorrow, while I blindly searched for the pocket of my pants. I quickly found the foil wrapper, making me eager to wrap myself in it so I could finally fuck her. I pulled away from her breast and started to rip the foil open. Bella was staring at me; her eyes were dark, and her nostrils were flaring. Without preamble, she grabbed the foil packet and threw it away.

_Fuck! That's so hot!_

She was biting her lips again, and I couldn't control myself. I attacked her mouth, her tongue rubbing with mine in a wild dance. I sucked and nibbled, loving how her lips felt between my teeth.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked. Not only was she allowing me to have sex with her again, she chose not to use any protection. There wasn't going to be any barrier between us, and I know for certain how that felt.

It would be fucking amazing.

However, I wanted her to be sure about this.

"Yes," she replied. "I want all of you."

"Fuck, Bella," I muttered. I would give her what she wanted. "You'll get all of me."

With one swift motion, I was inside her. We both gasped at the sensation.

"_Holyfuckingshit_, baby! Why are you still so tight?" I hissed, loving the way her walls were hugging me. "Doesn't he fuck you at home?" I had to ask.

She placed her finger over my mouth, shutting me up. "Shhh, I don't want to talk about him."

She started rocking against my hips, completely making me forget about her husband. She rode me like there was no tomorrow.

"God, I love you so much," I said, not really caring about whether she wanted to hear that at the moment. I just had to tell her.

She screamed, her walls tightening around me as she gave into the orgasm that gripped her.

I continued to pound into her, telling her I loved her over and over, until I spilled hot spurts of cum inside her.

I was holding her close to me, as her head rested against my shoulders. Now that I was in control and could think clearly, I could feel the fear creeping back inside.

What if she left me again?

"Please, don't leave me ever," I whispered, wanting her to know how I felt.

She sighed before she answered. "You have me for the whole night, Edward."

xxxxxxxxxx

I kissed her shoulders, while my hand tightened over her waist.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she asked, her voice tired and weary, but I could hear her smile.

"I'm loving you," I said, and proceeded to skim my nose over her shoulder blades.

"Again?' she asked, turning around so she was now facing me. She had a smirk on her face, and I moved my legs between hers.

"Yes, again and again," I murmured against her neck, sucking on some skin until I knew I had marked her. "If all I have is tonight, then I'll take advantage of it."

I held her hands over her head, and dipped my head to capture one nipple in my mouth. She moaned, and I loved it.

"Edward," she gasped. The way she said it made me harder than I already was.

She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I moved my hips, effectively sheathing myself inside her warmth.

"God Bella, you feel so good wrapped around me," I whispered, thrusting and rotating my hips, making sure I was hitting that sweet spot of hers.

"Shit! Yes, babe…that's it, just like that," she moaned incoherently. Her walls were tensing, and I knew she would come undone very soon.

The bed was rocking, the headboard was hitting the wall loudly, but I didn't stop my pounding. She felt so good, and I was addicted to her all over again. I could smell both our scents. It was fuelling my desire for her, spiraling out of control until she screamed going over the edge, milking me like she never did before.

I could feel my cock twitch; I moaned, spurting all of my seed inside her cunt.

I leaned forward and murmured, "God baby, your pussy feels so fucking amazing."

She had her eyes closed, breathing heavy, while she tried to get herself in control after her orgasm.

I stayed inside her as long as I could, but I knew I was crushing her. I reluctantly pulled out, and rolled over, pulling her with me.

She laid her head on my shoulder, rubbing her hand over my chest. We stayed that way for a long time. I was content to just cuddle and not think of what tomorrow would bring.

I wanted to be with her so badly, I would take whatever she gave me.

I started to open my mouth, but shut it again. I was afraid. Afraid she would shut me out again, and I didn't want that.

"Why did you kiss her, Edward?" I heard her say.

It was so sudden I was shocked. My heart started beating so fast, I was sure she could feel it against my chest.

She raised her head, and looked at me. It was unnerving. I wanted to postpone answering, but I knew she needed to know.

"Tanya came to my house that night. I wasn't expecting her, and my mistake was to let her in. She still believed I was marrying you just to spite her. She insisted you were just a rebound, and she was the one I truly wanted. She taunted and taunted until finally I cave in. I knew I shouldn't have, but I needed to prove to her she was wrong." My voice wavered a little, and I cleared my throat in the attempt to cover my nervousness. Bella was staring at me, her face a mask of blank expression. This confession should be liberating, but to me it felt like I was in hell. My heart thundered against my chest, and I was sure she heard it too.

"I wanted to show Tanya she didn't affect me like she used to," I said, holding her gaze. I was afraid because now she would know the truth. Of how truly weak I was. "I wanted to know if she was truly out of my system."

I could see the hurt in Bella's eyes. She lowered her gaze, but I tilted her chin up. My stomach was fluttering from nervousness, but I knew I needed to tell her this. "And I proved that she was. I know it'll be hard for you to believe that, but it's the truth."

She gave me a sad smile before resting her head on my chest again. I didn't know how to react, because she wasn't saying anything.

"Bella? I was also drunk," I added, trying to excuse what I did that night. I knew it was lame, but it was the truth.

"You know that's not enough of a reason, Edward," she answered softly, her voice resigned. "Isn't what you felt for me enough? You said you loved me, but you needed proof of it. Why is that?"

I tried to explain, but I couldn't…because she was right. She was so fucking right. No explanation would be good enough. I fucked up, and I knew it.

Even if I tried to rectify it now, I wasn't sure if she wanted that. Her hand was balled in a fist on my chest. That was all the confirmation I needed she was still hurting. She turned to curl on her side, hugging the pillow beside her.

"I'm sorry," I said, hoping she would turn around and face me again. "Please, Bella. I'm so sorry."

She stayed quiet for a minute, then she clasped her hand over mine that was holding her by the waist.

"Let's go to sleep," was all she said. I knew that was all I would get from her tonight.

"Please be mine again," I whispered against her neck. She just tightened her hold on my hand. I held her tight in my arms, knowing for sure she wouldn't be mine again. Not any time soon.

* * *

**There you go...**

**Did you enjoy them bumping uglies? *waggles eyebrow***

**I know she's still married, but as I've said..._you have to trust me_.**

**See you next week!**


	10. Chapter 10 Glassed heart

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

**_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **helped me whip this chapter into shape. Thank you, ladies. ;)

I tweaked this little chapter, so any mistakes seen are all mine.

Sorry for the delay in my update of this chapter. I had to go out of town because of personal reasons. I'll post another one in a few days to compensate for it.

Anyway, I am here...so here is the next one.

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Glassed heart**

I woke up to sunlight creeping through the slits of the window curtain. My eyes fluttering as I adjusted to the lighting. Confusion clouded me while I stared at the unfamiliar surroundings, trying to decipher where the hell I was. Suddenly, memories of last night came back, and I shot up from the bed.

I was alone. _Shit! _I slammed my fists on the mattress, cursing in frustration. She left without saying goodbye again. I should have known this would happen. I took a long deep breath and turned my head. I didn't want to think about her leaving. I didn't want the high of last night to be affected by anything, but her absence in this bed this morning said so much. I couldn't keep the disappointment from creeping in. I was too busy exploring her body last night to think of the morning after. I didn't even for a second allow myself to ponder on the consequences of what we did, because I could deal with and fight anything as long as Bella was my prize.

The sight of the rumpled sheets, now cold and empty, made my heart clench. Last night with Bella was something I had wanted, but never really thought would happen again. Being with her made up for all the pain I had endured the last few months. Not that I would want to go over that shitty part of my life again, but there was no assurance she would take me back. But I still harbored thoughts she would consider it, and I even pictured us together again before sleep finally caught with me last night. I know it was stupid, getting my hopes up again, especially after all her admissions, but I couldn't help it. She was everything to me. God, I love her so much. I don't know how I would cope if she left again…and there was a high chance that would happen.

I got up and cleaned myself. After using the bathroom, I made my way out to the living room where I knew I had dropped my clothes yesterday.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Bella sitting on the sofa.

_This was unexpected._

The sight of her made me smile, but the sadness radiating from her clued me on the path our conversation would go. I suddenly had a bad feeling. My heart started racing. My eyes were trained on her face as I fumbled to clothe my nakedness. She quietly turned around, giving me some privacy as I finished dressing. It wasn't as if my nakedness affected me, nor was I ashamed of it, but Bella was a contradiction that made her so appealing to me. She could be bold one moment then shy the next.

She was already dressed casually in jeans and a sweater. Beside her was her luggage, fully packed and ready. There was no denying what that meant. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. _Dammit!_

"Edward, I'm leaving," I heard her say. There was this finality in her voice that made me want to grab her and lock her away. I slowly opened my eyes to see she was staring at me. "I told you about this yesterday."

I walked toward the opposite couch and sat down, scared my legs wouldn't hold me. It was stupid to show her how weak I was as a person, especially where she was concerned.

"What happens next, Bella?" I asked, trying to void my words of any emotion. I was looking at her, willing her to see how much her decision would affect my life. I needed her like air, and I didn't know if she knew that…or if she even gave a shit.

"Nothing," she replied, her eyes not meeting mine. "I'm married, and I…I…we can't do this."

"I told you I don't care if you're married," I said, trying so hard not to snap at her. "You can always get a divorce. You were mine first, and I won't let you go again!"

"It's not your choice, Edward. It's mine." She looked so defeated; I didn't know what to do. She raised her head, locking her gaze to mine. The intensity I saw there left no doubt she meant every word. "And I tell you, I don't want to go back. I'm quite satisfied with my life now."

"Bella," I whispered. My throat felt like something got stuck, and I felt my irritation grow. I covered my eyes with the palm of my hands and pressed hard. I could see the blue and white streaks of light from the pressure of my hand before I felt the pain building completely on both eyes. I huffed and jerked my hand away from my face.

"Edward, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want." Bella tried to reason with me. She might have sensed I wouldn't give her up so easily.

"You're all I want. It shouldn't be hard to give yourself to me. You've done that before, you can do it again," I pleaded, my voice hoarse. "Just…just please give me a chance…and I'll never let you down again. I swear."

She shook her head and I snapped. My anger couldn't be contained any longer.

She was doing this on purpose! She loved me last night, and I won't stand by and let her trample me like this.

"Then…then why in the hell did you fucking sleep with me last night?" I yelled, panicked.

She was here right now, and I couldn't even make her stay with me. The reality of my explanation having not the desired effect I wanted, the same explanation that I had put all my hopes into to getting her back, was making me furious with her and myself. Especially her.

"Didn't it mean anything to you?"

She gave me a sad smile before she spoke. "What do you think?"

She just stared at me. It felt like she was baring my soul. My skin broke into goose bumps, and I started getting angrier.

Last night was magical. One look in her eyes I knew she felt the same way. Why was she fighting this? We would be great together, and she could easily put both of us out of our miseries.

"Dammit, Bella. You're making this harder than it already is!" I ran my hand through my messy hair again and yanked at the roots in frustration. "I love you! Doesn't that mean something?"

Her eyes were suddenly brimming with unshed tears, and she was biting her lip. I suddenly felt like a total ass. Here she was trying to explain, but I was too focused on my own damn pain that I was being callous in my handling of things again. Just a repeat performance of everything I did before.

I knelt in front of her and took her hands in mine. Her hands were so cold, and I rubbed them, soothing her while I stared at her beautiful face.

"I love you, Soft Lips," I whispered. She blinked, but didn't say anything. "I love you so fucking much."

"Edward, it's not enough," she whispered back. Her words were like a slap on my face, and I flinched. A tear fell on her cheek, and I could feel my own eyes prickling with tears.

I didn't know how to make it right again.

"I don't know what to do, Bella." I could feel my hands start to shake. Her hands tightened in mine, and I felt my stomach flutter in reaction. She was reassuring me in the best way she knew how. "Please, don't do this. I need you to take me back."

She slowly removed her right hand and cupped my cheek. I leaned forward, loving the feel of her palm on my skin. I closed my eyes, reveling in her touch. It was the only thing I could do - to imagine this as something other than the inevitable goodbye I wasn't ready for.

"I would if I could," she said. "Maybe someday…I dunno. Please, Edward. You gotta let me go."

"I can't," I whined, my heart constricting in the inevitable pain of yet another rejection from her. "You know I can't!"

"Edward, nothing's changed between us. There are so many things different about me now…and I don't know you anymore," she said.

I grabbed her other hand again in mine again. I was fucking desperate. I wanted her to understand how much I needed her.

"Then get to know me again," I pleaded with her. "I can wait, Bella. I will wait for you."

She gave me a sad smile and leaned to give me a kiss. Just then her phone started ringing. As she checked the caller ID, her brows furrowed and she frowned. I knew there was something wrong.

"I have to go," she said tentatively. She looked as conflicted as I felt.

"Bella," I whispered dejectedly. My hand circled and tightened around her wrist. My last attempt of making her stay with me.

She stared at me for a few more minutes. My heart was thundering in anticipation of her decision.

When I thought I would burst from anxiety, she fished out something from her purse and handed it to me.

"Here."

It was a calling card.

I could feel her gaze burning on me, but before I could say something else, she turned around and gathered her bags. I stared at her retreating back, wondering whether it would be the last time I would see her.

I was totally alone now. The silence totally eerie, but it didn't bother me. I looked down, and what I saw confused me. It was not Bella's business card in my hand as I had expected, instead it was Alice's.

"_What the hell will I do with it?" _I thought to absence was suffocating me, and it felt like I was in a vast ocean fighting against strong currents, with little hope of coming out alive.

I must make Bella want me the way she wanted and needed me before. I would make her see I was the one for her. I would have to plan this properly, even if I had to face the wrath of all those people closest to her.

I pocketed the card, patting it over my pants as I slowly devised a plan. This was my ticket to getting my Bella back.

"I'll fucking make you fall in love with me again, Isabella Swan. I swear to God, you'll be mine again if it's the last thing I do."

However small my chances were right now, I wouldn't be deterred. I would get her back. Mark my fucking word, she would be with me in the end.

Time for me to call Aro. Between the two of us, Isabella had no chance of getting away.

* * *

**O_O Why do you think Bella gave Edward Alice's card instead of hers? Hmmm...**


	11. Chapter 11 White blank canvases

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to**_ A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed. **You ladies rock!

I tweaked this little chapter, so any mistakes seen are all mine.

Thank you to everyone reading. Hugs to you all! =)

* * *

**Chapter 11 – White blank canvases**

Bella

The white and dark hues on the canvas in front of me that was intricately meshed together was taking up all my attention. I stared and contemplated if I needed more coloring, but the combination of multiple paints satisfied me. The landscape was far from finished, but I needed to dry this particular layer of paint if I wanted the unique effect I knew it would give me. There was not much I could do until it dried, so I wiped my dirty hands on my work pants and stood up, not removing my eyes away from the canvas.

It was a painting of our old house.

It was a glimpse of my past, and I wanted to capture the beauty that it was. Even though it wasn't finished yet, to me it was a picture of perfection. I had the urge to do this the moment I had stepped out of that plane almost nine hours ago, and I had been cooped up here inside my workplace, my painting room, for eight. The tiredness of my long flight from Washington was soon forgotten, and the call of my easels and brushes needed to be answered. It has been a long time since I last touched them. The smell of acrylic, oils and paper was so great I was on a high.

Painting was my happy place. It was where I was most relaxed…at peace. That was why I hadn't noticed the time. It was mid-afternoon and my stomach was rumbling. I hadn't had breakfast or lunch and it was time for me to eat. After getting some food, sleep was next on the agenda. I planned to take a shower first before napping, though. I was filthy, and the need to wash off the sweat and paint on my body was great.

The warm water invigorated me, giving me just enough strength to scour the kitchen for some much-needed nourishment. My muscles were stiff. I was tired, but getting something to eat would be better, especially if my nap after would continue to a good night's sleep.

I felt restless though. The day was fruitful, but it seemed I was agitated even after my session with my canvas.

I knew the reason for this…_Edward_.

The thought of him, all handsome and glorious, made my heart skip a beat. He told me he loved me. I wanted so badly to believe him. To me, those were the best words he could utter after all these months. I memorized the way he said it and loved every minute of it. If it was another time, I would have easily replied with the same words. Another time, I would have engulfed myself in his arms and stayed that way until he showed me he truly meant the words he just said. Another time when I would throw all caution to the wind and allowed him back into my life. If it were that simple, I would have done that already…in a heartbeat.

The damage of his betrayal to my pride was severe, and my trust issues were greater now than ever, and it would take more than professing his love to repair it. I wasn't ready to give him the option to mend what he had broken just yet.

There was still so much pain from that single mistake he made and I couldn't get past it even with his apology. I didn't want him to hate me. In an ironic twist, I was even willing to be friends with him. When I told him that, I had meant it.

Giving him Alice's card was some kind of a compromise on my part. I wanted to be friends with him, but didn't want to be anywhere near him. Alice would know what to do with him, if he ever had the guts to contact her. I wanted him to face the people important to me that he had also hurt. If he would talk to them in order to get to me, then that would give me something to think about in the future.

"You're home," I heard James say. I turned and gave him a smile, returning my attention back to the contents of the fridge. I grabbed an apple and a Gatorade before sitting on the counter, my naked legs dangling.

"You want some?" I asked him, offering him the apple. He gave me a smile and shook his head. He then moved to perch his hips on the counter a few inches away from where I sat. He looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes, and I became worried.

"You just got out of your workroom," he deadpanned.

"Uhum," I mumbled and took a bite of my apple. I saw him run his eyes along my legs, and I smiled.

"Hey, you perv, stop checking out my legs," I teased. "These are not for you to ogle!"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Oh darling, you know you don't do anything for me. I was just looking and wondered why you're only wearing a shirt."

I looked down at the black Metallica shirt I wore, loving the classic big skull image that graced the front. It was one of Edward's old shirts I had stolen from him when we were still together, and I couldn't keep from smiling. I wasn't sure if he knew I had it, but I wasn't the least bit guilty about it.

"Well, I'm actually getting ready to nap, but wanted to eat something first." I took a huge gulp of the Gatorade, never taking my eyes off James.

"It's three thirty, and you're going to sleep?" he asked, his lips curving into a mischievous smile.

"Yup, my flight from Washington was so early this morning, and I got hardly any sleep on the plane. When I arrived here, I just got the urge to paint. You know how I am when I'm in that mood. So yeah, I'll have a nap. You know me, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning." I winked, and he chuckled.

I finished my food, and James just stood there. I could feel his eyes on me, and I suddenly felt he was scrutinizing me.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked, his smile gone. I could see his eyes crinkle.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine," I lied. I jumped from the counter and dusted my shirt from the imaginary crumbs.

"How is he?" I asked. "Is he awake?"

"Yes, he actually instructed me to call you. He wants to talk to you."

My heart started racing. Jacob wanted to talk, and I had a feeling I wouldn't like what he had to say. He knew me as well as Alice. _Shit!_

"Don't worry, Hon, I'll see to it he won't give you the tongue lashing you deserve," he said, and I linked my arm around his as we walked back to Jacob's room.

Jake was sitting plopped on the bed, his thin face broke into a smile. My heart warmed at the sight of him. He opened his arms dramatically in an invitation for a hug.

"Oh Belly Bean, I missed you." His voice was weak, but was still so cheerful. I lunged myself toward him.

"I missed you too, Jakey," I whispered as I encircled my arm around his waist and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Eww, Belly. That's so disgusting! Stop sexually harassing me, or I'm gonna kick your sexy ass!" He gave me a mischievous smile while his arm tightened around me. His grip wasn't as strong as it used to be. He was clearly getting weaker, and I wanted to cry all over again.

I pulled away and checked his appearance. He looked so pale, and he was almost bone thin. His handsome face was now bloated because of the cancer medicines he was prescribed to take. His skin had a yellowish coloring, and I was afraid I had only very little time to spend with him.

He saw my eyes prickle with tears, and he reached for my hand, squeezing it tight, as tight as he could.

"Oh Jakey!" I cried.

"Don't you dare cry again, Missy," he said in a teasing voice, but the happiness didn't quite reach his eyes. I laid my head on his shoulder and sobbed.

"Damn girl, you're going to ruin my beautiful shirt!"

"Jakey, don't leave me!" I desperately wanted him to know how much I needed him in my life, but I couldn't control the sobs that rocked my body.

The events of these past couple weeks with Edward, plus the stress of Jacob's illness, were too much for me to take in. I wanted to appear as if I was taking it all in my stride. After all, who could fight fate? If Jacob was destined to die because of lung cancer, then what was I to do about that? Acceptance was all I had left, but damn if I wasn't angry about it.

"Shhh….shhh…I won't I promise!" I heard Jake say. He started rubbing my back, soothing me.

Maybe Jacob already knew his importance to me. No more words were needed.

It took a while for me to get myself in control, but once I did, I felt better about my semi breakdown. I didn't realize I was lying on the bed, my head resting on Jacob's lap, and his hand was running through my hair.

I raised my head and saw we were all alone in the room. James was nowhere to be seen. _Bless him_. He always knew when he needed to leave so I could spend some time alone with Jacob.

"Bella, what happened in Washington?" Jake asked. My stomach started to churn, and I gripped my thigh harder. "Your text the other night concerned me. It was somewhat incoherent, but I eventually got it. It was Edward. He was there, wasn't he?"

I sighed and nodded. I was now sitting beside Jake and trying not to look him in the eye. I didn't want to see pity reflecting in them.

"Did he do something again?" His voice was so calm, and I again laid my head on his shoulder. He had always been there for me, and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I didn't want to think about it.

I stayed quiet. All I heard was the steady breathing and the thundering of my heart.

"You can tell me, you know."

"I slept with him. He told me he loved me, Jake." My voice was so low, it was like I was scared to say the words.

"That's good then, Belly Bean."

"No, it's not."

"Why not?"

"It's just not, Jake. I don't know…I just feel that everything between us had been a lie…and I can't get over that fact."

"You're such a stubborn ass. Did you know that?" His frown was the only sign that showed he was irritated. "Did you tell him about James?"

I shook my head no, and I heard him snort.

"Belly Bean, look at me," he commanded. He looked so solemn, but so tired. I felt guilty for putting him in the predicament of always having to take care of me.

"He loved you. You shouldn't doubt that. He was so irrevocably in love with you, it showed," he said fiercely, as if he desperately wanted me to believe that. He raised his hand and caressed my cheek. "You know you're worthy of everything he's willing to give you…and that includes his love, babe."

"You keep saying that," I said, exasperated. "But if he truly meant it, then why the heck did he kiss Tanya? Wasn't I enough? I did everything to make him happy, only to be cheated on, Jake. Him saying he loves me doesn't make it alright."

"Bella, he's just human. I know it doesn't excuse him kissing that skank…but do you think you'll ever be happy without him?"

He cocked his eyebrow, challenging me to argue his statement.

"I could. I'm willing to try being happy," I admitted, knowing he wouldn't let that go. I would try to be happy, even if there was no Edward in my life.

"Then why not try with him again, hmmm?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to get into that again, Jake."

"Why not?"

"I'm just not!" I yelled. My frustration was getting the better of me, and I couldn't stop arguing with his stubborn ass. That was why I was friends with him. He was as stubborn as I was. "God, you're still so insufferable!"

"But you love me!"

"That I do." I hugged him. His bones were sticking out and they poked me sometimes, but I didn't care. He never complained of pain when I embraced him, and so it became my guilty pleasure.

"Life is so short, Belly. Don't waste it," he whispered softly. I could feel the pain in his words, and I looked at him. He was staring straight ahead, as if looking at me was hard to do. I lost so many people in my life that I have little faith in everything. His cancer was incurable, and he had very little time on this earth. But Jacob didn't allow things like his sickness to dampen his mood about anything. He was always a positive person, and I wished I could get that from him.

"I promise I will try, Jake."

"With Edward?" He turned his gaze to me, and he looked so hopeful. I couldn't say yes, but I could at least try to appease him in some way. I didn't know why this was so important to him.

"Maybe."

I saw his lips curve into a smile, and I knew I gave the right answer. Even if it was a most unlikely possibility at this moment.

* * *

**So there you go...**

**Did you get Bella's relationship with James? He is really more a friend than a husband. Of course, reasons will be clearer in future chapters.**

**See yah next update. =)**


	12. Chapter 12 Card

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

**_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **are my betas**. **They are awesome! =D

Any mistakes seen are all mine.

So did everyone get that bit about James last chapter - that bit that should clue you in on B/J's marriage? I sure hope you did.

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Card**

I had to stop chasing miracles.

That was what everyone said. Well, not Aro, but the few close people I know. Rosalie and Emmett included.

They insisted the likelihood of Bella coming back to me was slim. However, the business card she gave, albeit it wasn't hers, served as a symbol of hope for me. As I stared at it, I couldn't help the small smile from escaping my lips.

"Edward, don't tell me you're still looking at that card Bella gave you?" I heard Rosalie ask, and I turned to give her an icy glare. She was killing my buzz, and I didn't appreciate it. "You've been holding on to it for over a week now. If I were you, I'd stand up and throw that piece of paper away!"

I could feel my face flush from anger. She was acting like a bitch again, and I wasn't in the mood to entertain her.

"Oh, now you're angry at me because I'm telling you what I think? Huh, when it comes to that girl, you're so fucking blind," she said grittily, her eyebrows arched in irritation.

"Stop raining on my parade, Rose. I didn't ask you for your opinion, so just shut your mouth," I snapped back angrily and sat back on the bar stool, signaling for Seth to give me a beer.

"You're an idiot, you know. Just because she gave you something doesn't mean she loves you. Dammit! She didn't even give you _her_ business card. She had to give you someone else's card. Don't you think that should alert you?" she muttered; her every word was laced with sarcasm.

I scowled at Rosalie, not appreciating this unsolicited advice she was so clearly giving me. She glared at me, and I stood up before I could say something I would regret. I grabbed the beer Seth had just set on the counter and threw some bills down.

The bar was still closed, and there were just the three of us plus a few more people who were under Rosalie's employ. I didn't want to have a shouting match with her. There were too many ears around, and I didn't want anybody knowing any of my business.

It was best I cool off somewhere, so I could think clearly.

Rose had been bitching about the card ever since I returned from Washington. I ignored her. She was my best friend, but she didn't run my life. Her protectiveness came from her love for me – she told me this over and fucking over again. Most of the time, I allowed her to act the overly protective sister because I could understand where she was coming from. But other times, just like this one, I couldn't help but hate her.

I took out my pack of cigarettes and proceeded to light one as I sat at one of the tables at the far end of the bar.

I was enjoying the solitude when Rose suddenly appeared. She had an apologetic look as she waited for me to allow her to sit.

I sighed before I scooted on my seat. She quickly took the invitation and sat beside me. We were silent for a few minutes. I knew she wanted to make peace, but I wanted her to speak first. At this point, I was too pissed to make the first move. Besides, I didn't have anything to say to her.

"Edward, I'm sorry."

Her apology didn't decrease my brewing anger. I continued to smoke, just letting her talk. "I know I tend to be frank to the extent it's really brutal. But you know me, I was just trying to prevent you from getting hurt again."

"Really? Was that what you were doing? Because it seemed to me you were just being plain mean, Rose...and I don't fucking like it."

"She's the only one who has the ability to break you, Edward. Nobody else! Not your parents, not even your grandfather. Only her. Isabella. Fucking. Swan."

I sighed. "Did it ever occur to you for a second you shouldn't be angry at her? I kissed Tanya, I fucked up, not her."

She laughed sarcastically. "That doesn't excuse her from bailing out on you. She fucking ran and left you. That fucked you up. I saw what that did to you…what _she_ did to you after _she_ left…and I hate her for that. Sue me!"

I closed my eyes, trying to rein in the anger threatening to surface from Rose's tirade. She had been angry at Bella for as long as I was. I think it was time for her to stop doing that.

"Rose, I appreciate what you're doing for me. But give Bella a break, she doesn't deserve any of your bitchiness."

"It doesn't matter if she does or not, Edward. I don't think I can forgive her for what she did. I don't care about what anybody says. To me it was all wrong…how she just left barely even looking over her shoulders."

I released a long breath, knowing she wouldn't relent. Rose was one tough woman to break. Once she had set her mind on something, it was hard for anybody to reverse her opinion. She was important to me, but if I wanted a chance with Bella, she needed to accept that.

I felt her lean her head on my shoulder, and softly say, "I know to others I am an irrational bitch for being angry at her. But you're a brother to me…nothing and no one could ever change that. No matter how right they are about you. I would stick with your sorry ass, you know."

Looking at her, I wondered how I would convince her Bella was who I wanted. She just had to deal with that when the time came. Especially since I was determined to win my Bella back.

We stayed quiet, just relishing on the comfort the silence gave us. Each of us lost in our own thoughts. The song _My Sharona_ started playing, and the issue that plagued us earlier was momentarily forgotten. We sang, and Rosalie danced as the lyrics from _The Knack_ blared through the speakers.

xxxxxxxxxxx

A few days before I came to the decision of coming here, I had called Aro. Saying he had encouraged me with wonderful words would be an understatement. But Aro's weird and simple advice was more important to me than any colorful speeches. He said I just needed to act like my usual cocky self and woo my girl like I never did before, to add the determination shit we talked about in Colorado, and this was my formula for success when it came to winning back my Bella.

Aro said he would be waiting for us when I got her back. So fucking confident…that man. His faith in me was the fuel to my ego.

Right after talking to him, I had called Alice's office and set up an appointment with her secretary. I had received confirmation two days ago Alice wanted to see me. She had arrived from her honeymoon in Hawaii just a couple of days before, and was going straight back to work.

I was even surprised she had easily accepted my scheduled meeting with her.

I looked at my watch to confirm I had plenty of time to arrive at her office. I didn't want to give the wrong impression to one of the most important people in Bella's life. I guessed Jasper didn't know about this meeting, or I wouldn't have been given the go signal to come to her office. Jasper still hated my guts. Somehow I had resigned to the fact he might never forgive me. If it was only me, surprising as it sounds, it was okay as long as Bella would be mine again. It would be a small price to pay, even though I would love for him to be in my life. But if I could have Bella back, I wouldn't want anything more. She was the most important thing in my life. I would do anything just to have another chance with her.

However, Bella came with everything complicated and that meant I had to deal with all the people that were in her life, even those who hated me with ferocity. I knew this quest to win her back would send me face-to-face with Jasper in the future, and I would be ready for that. He was a hurdle I needed to conquer before I got to Bella.

I slid my car beside a yellow Porsche parked outside Alice's building. I assumed it was hers since she wanted to own one ever since I had known her.

I had a few more minutes to spare, so I stood beside my car and smoked a stick before going inside. Alice's office was different from the last time I saw it. Almost two years ago, the paint on the wall was pink; now, it was white with a touch of silver. I had teased her before about how girly the color pink was, but now I wished it had stayed that way. I knew she was more successful than she was almost two years ago. She had expanded her business and it showed. Everything inside this office shouted _change_ and even though it might sound ridiculous, I felt melancholic all of a sudden. Alice had been, and still is, an integral part of Jasper and Isabella. She was important to them, so she was important to me as well.

The ambiance inside made me feel as if I didn't belong here anymore. Because I am stubborn son of a bitch, I pushed the feeling away.

I tried to hold onto Aro's words of wisdom. _Determination is the key_.

It didn't take long for me to be led inside an office that was clearly Alice's. Then suddenly I was facing her again. She still had this friendliness about her, though not as bubbly as I remembered her to be. It was clear she was wary of my presence, and she seemed guarded.

There was no surprise there.

She motioned for me to sit, and I complied. I took a moment to regard the changes in her appearance. As before she had long, red hair, now she was sporting some weird short hairstyle. The black coloring complimented her somehow, and she looked happy.

Maybe more if I was not around. I was in no delusion my presence was wanted, but she was gracious enough to allow me an audience.

"So, what brought you here?" she asked, her hands clasped together. She even gave me a small smile, though I noticed it didn't reach her eyes.

"You know why I'm here, Alice," I replied, trying to act as nonchalant as I could.

She raised her brows, and said coyly, "I do, don't I?"

She opened a drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She lit a stick and offered me one. I declined, knowing she had some girly menthol stuff I hated.

"Why don't you enlighten me so I don't have to assume, Edward," she deadpanned, blowing smoke as she stared at me.

Now I wished I took her offer of a smoke. At least my hands would have been occupied with holding a stick, other than lying still at my side.

"Bella gave me your card," I informed her and moved a little to find a more comfortable position.

"Yes, she told me a couple of days ago," she said before taking another long drag from her cigarette.

"I need to talk to Bella," I told her.

She pursed her lips, putting out her cigarette on the ashtray beside her, and leaned forward.

"Don't you think if she wanted to talk she would have given you her card?"

"You know I can get her address easily, and-"

Her laughter interrupted me, and I became uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"I'm not stupid, Edward. Of course, I know you're more than capable of doing that. You have all the means to find out for yourself where she lives…but why then are you here? Just make one simple phone call to your security team and be done with it. You could have saved the trouble of coming over," she said snidely.

That shut me up.

Alice was very perceptive and caught on to the reason why I waited for her to come back from her honeymoon. I needed to make amends with people important to Bella. All I wanted was to be with her and make her happy. That happiness included Jasper and Alice. If I ever had a chance of making it right with her, I needed to make it right with them also.

Alice was looking at me with some kind of interest, and I waited for her to speak again. She always had ways of making one feel as if she knew something about them, and this time I was afraid to open my mouth in fear she would laugh at me again.

She leaned back on her chair, clearly relaxing. She then lit another cigarette. She was smoking like a fucking chimney.

"Bella told me about the mix-up," she said calmly, not showing any emotions. "I'm sorry if I had a hand in that. I was a little drunk when I talked to you in Cali. Maybe that's why I didn't hear the venue clearly. I never meant to fuck that up, you know."

When Bella mentioned about the mix-up of the venue, it never crossed my mind Alice did that intentionally. She had a good heart, just like my Bella. I knew she would never do such a thing. Having her confirm that just cemented her being a loyal and trustworthy friend of Bella.

"It was just all a case of bad timing and bad decisions. I know that now, Alice," I told her. "I never once doubted your sincerity to help me."

"Oh, I didn't do it because of you. I did it for Bella. I tried to arrange that meeting at The Spears because I wanted her to clarify things with you. But as you know, that didn't go too well."

"Thank you for-"

The door to her office was opened, and I was interrupted by Jasper.

"Ali, baby. I'm….what the hell are you doing here?" I heard Jasper say angrily. I turned and slowly stood up.

He marched towards me. I stood, looking him straight in the eye. His nostrils were flaring, and his face was flushed. He was angry. Any delusions I had that this would be easy, however small they were, evaporated when I saw how furious he was of my presence.

"Jasper," I said coolly, looking at the face of my best friend for the first time in nineteen months.

"Get the fuck out, Asshole!"

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**A cliffy. An intentional one. Sorry, but I needed to stop it here. I'll update again in a few days.**

**Rec'd time: **_Buried in Words_****** by Gnomea. Edward is, as usual, a prick in this story. But as you know, he is so sexy this way. Go check it out. **


	13. Chapter 13 Friends and enemies

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

**_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed **are my betas**. **They are awesome! =D

Any mistakes here are all mine.

Thank you for all the alerts/favorites/reviews. They make me smile more than you know! =D

As promised, here is the next chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Friends and enemies**

If someone had told me a few months ago that I would be facing Jasper and be cool about it, I would have laughed in their faces. My anger didn't only extend towards Isabella but her brother too. It might be misplaced anger, but somehow, to me it felt logical. The pain I had endured from the break-up left me feeling abandoned, especially by a friend I had considered a brother. I knew I sounded like an ass, but truthfully, I was one and wouldn't apologize for it. I was furious with Jasper. After I had talked to Bella in Washington, my anger seemed to have trickled down a little, but it did not mean I wasn't still pissed he left just like his sister did. Looking at him all furious and shit, I knew what he had gone through wasn't easy. A little part in me empathized with him, but I couldn't accept he dropped me like a hot potato, never giving me a chance to explain just like Bella. In as much as I wanted to believe I was one of his priorities, Bella would always come first in his life before our friendship. I was older and not much wiser, but I now understood, enough not to blame him. I was still bitter about it, though. No matter how hard I tried to push the resentment away, it stayed, lingering inside me just waiting to resurface and show its ugliness.

In this moment, I was standing here with Jasper in his wife's office. All my frustrations stemming from my broken relationships, including with him, crept out as one clear emotion – anger. I was furious. But for everyone involved, especially Alice, I reined in my anger. There was no use to give into my temper. There was nothing good that would come out of it.

There were two goals in mind: one to get on their good sides so I could get to Bella, and two, to get Bella back. Simple as that. That was all the motivation I needed not to ram my fist against Jasper's face for taking his sister away from me. He was like the parent to Bella, so whatever he said would have weighed heavily on her, affecting most of her decisions. Remembering Jasper's reaction in the church, I didn't need to guess what he would have said about me to her.

Bella was the goal here, and in order for me to reach that, I needed to play nice.

So I played nice.

"I said to get the hell out, you prick!" Jasper yelled. His whole face was contorted as if he was ready to burst. I took in a long, deep breath and slid my hands inside my pockets.

"Baby, calm down," Alice said. She pulled Jasper to her, hugging his waist to prevent him from advancing closer to me. "Edward just wanted some information. There's no need for you to be so pissy."

She grabbed his face between her hands and pulled him for a kiss. That seemed to calm him down. I saw his shoulders slump, and I was able to release the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I wouldn't fight with him. Especially not now when I felt Alice seemed to be open to the idea of helping me.

"I don't want him here," Jasper muttered angrily. He directed his furious gaze toward me; it reflected the obvious hatred he felt for me.

"It's okay. We're already finished. He was just about to go when you arrived, babe," Alice said, her eyes catching mine. She had this expression I couldn't decipher, but I didn't focus much on that. I needed for her to understand the necessity of her helping me with Bella before Jasper would kick me out of here.

"Alice, I really need-"

"Yes, don't worry. You can get it from my secretary," she said quickly. I realized she didn't want Jasper to know I was trying to get to Bella. I wouldn't have cared if he knew I wanted his sister back, but Alice's omission of the truth to Jasper was a clear statement it wouldn't be a good idea for him to know yet. I would just have to trust her on this.

"Okay, thank you. I appreciate it very much." I hoped I was reading all her body signals right, or I would be screwed.

"Don't make a habit of coming here, Edward. Your presence isn't wanted," Jasper sneered.

"Trust me, I won't," I muttered before leaving Alice's office. The tension was becoming thicker, and it would only be a matter of time before Jasper would snap.

When Alice appeared, I had only waited for a few minutes in the lobby making small talk with her secretary. She looked conflicted, and the frown on her forehead was more pronounced now. I knew it had something to do with me.

"Edward, I really am not sure if giving you her number is the best idea." Alice was looking at me strangely, and I felt nervous. I didn't want her to change her mind. I started to open my mouth, but she took one of my hands in hers and squeezed it tightly. "But I'm trusting my gut instinct on this. Here," she said, pressing something in my palm. I sighed in relief, knowing it was an address or a number for Bella. Or I hoped it was.

"Don't make me regret this," Alice warned, before turning around to go back to her office where Jasper was for sure waiting for her.

"Thank you." I couldn't help the smile that escaped my lips. Alice just raised her hand in a wave, clearly dismissing me.

It took me no time at all to check what was in my hand. It was a piece of paper with an address written on it.

My heart started beating loudly against my chest, excitement and fear coursing through me like a hurricane.

I knew Bella didn't want me near her. Her husband might be one of the problems, but judging from Alice's willingness to help, Bella's marriage was not one of my major concerns in winning her back.

Fate seemed to be on my side on this quest.

I sure fucking hope so.

xxxxxxxxxx

I dropped face down on my bed, exhausted mentally and physically from the day's activities. It was still late afternoon, but the meeting with Alice and Jasper drained me of my energy.

Thoughts of Bella and her brother ran through my head. Through the frustration, the act of kindness from Alice made me feel better. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it to me, thinking on what my next moves would be. I debated on calling Bella now, or to procrastinate the whole thing for tomorrow.

Every plan I made where Bella was concerned seemed to fuck up one way or the other. If I wasn't so determined to win her back, just the sheer thought of another failure would have made me rethink all of this. I had always been a confident motherfucker. Even after all that happened to me when I was a kid, I was still cocky. However, recent events shook all the confidence I had right out the window.

I was scared.

We already had the talk I so really wanted in Washington and Bella made it clear she didn't want to be anything more than friends.

If I appeared on her doorsteps, she wouldn't like it one bit. It would mean I wasn't respecting her wishes of just staying friends. That was where the problem lies. I desperately wanted to see her, but there would be repercussions. She might cut me off and I would totally lose her. Being friends was better than nothing, but I just couldn't not go to her. She was like a magnet to me, attracting me to her.

I punched the pillow in frustration. Now that I had conquered facing Alice, even Jasper, I was being a pussy. _Shit!_

Thoughts of Bella's rejection ran through my head, and it was messing with my resolve. I was deciding on my specific strategy when my phone rang. I scrambled to get it; relieved for the momentary distraction it would afford me.

"Hello, Cullen here," I said distractedly, not really sure who was on the other line.

"Darling," I heard a very familiar voice, and I wanted to throw my phone against the wall.

"Tanya," I said distastefully. Her name was like something sour in my mouth.

"I missed you, baby," she purred, trying to sound seductive. Maybe she was, but to me it was all fake.

"Well, I don't. What do you want?" I asked. I couldn't keep the irritation away from my voice, and she could tell.

"You don't have to be pissed I called, you know. The least you could do is be happy I still care for you enough to keep tabs on you," she said petulantly. She was whining as if I was her boyfriend not giving her enough attention.

"You mean, you care about my money. Now that we have settled that you're just a money-hungry, gold digging bitch…what do you want? I have a lot of things to do, so if you can make this short, I would really appreciate that," I muttered sarcastically.

"Oh, Edward. I don't love your money…I love you. I've been trying to prove this to you since after you dumped me for that bitch of a girl! You know I love you more than she did," she insisted, her voice becoming shrill. "You even showed me I could still affect you the way I used to. Remember the night before your wedding?"

I pulled the phone away from my ears to control myself for a moment. Tanya had hated Bella, and she didn't hide it.

It didn't mean I was okay with it. She had never insulted Bella in front of me. This was the first time she did, and it was making me angry. The agitation I was feeling earlier, plus this anger wasn't a good combination for me.

Tanya's antics of trying to get me back weren't working. They were only making me more pissed at her. Common sense told me not to let her affect me. She was my past, and she wouldn't be in my future, however badly she wanted it.

"Edward…Edward!" I heard Tanya yelling on the other line.

"Don't you ever insult her again!" I hissed. She wasn't half the woman Bella was. If she thought insulting Bella would get her to my good graces, then she was clearly mistaken.

"But I love you! I'm the one you should be with!" she wailed, her voice shrilling through the speaker.

"Stop it! I don't want you anymore, can't you get it? Go find someone else to fuck with, Tanya," I hissed. I was gripping the phone so tightly now. Tanya wouldn't go away, and I couldn't understand why.

"Carlisle said-"

Before she even finished the sentence, I had cut her off. Hearing my grandfather's name made me angrier. Hanging up on her made me feel good.

_Why didn't I do that earlier? _

Tanya had no decency, and even though I had tried my best to act gentlemanly to her after the break-up, she did things that eventually made me completely lose my respect for her. I had cared for her once, but she made it difficult for me to even like her now, even as an acquaintance, a distant acquaintance.

I was still reeling about that stupid call when I heard my buzzer.

It was only late afternoon, and I wasn't expecting anyone. It couldn't be Rose since she was visiting Emmett in California this week. They were 'on' again. Hopefully, they would work out their issues and finally be together.

I was still smiling on that thought when I opened the door. Then my smile changed into one of shock.

It was Bella.

She was standing there, looking all kinds of awkward and scared…and beautiful.

I was ready to just stare at her, get my fill of what she looked like outside my door, when realization dawned.

I grinned. This might be the day my world would be turned right upside down again.

If I could just roll out the red carpet and let the circus come for a celebration, I would. Instead, I did the next best thing.

I let her in.

* * *

**Okay, Bella is there. What might she want? *taps finger on chin***

**Press that little review button and tell me what you think. =D**


	14. Chapter 14 Hellos and goodbyes

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to my team, **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed. **You guys are the best! =D

Any mistakes here are all mine.

Sorry for the delay. RL was, and is still, kicking my ass. lol

Hope this chapter will somehow make it up to you my lovely readers. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Hellos and goodbyes**

Bella

My nerves were on a high wire. I intentionally brought the painting today, knowing Edward's housekeeper would be here. He used Carmen during the day to prepare his meals and do his house chores for him. Tuesdays and Thursdays were Edward's days of going into his office to check with his small team of five people. If anything, Edward was a creature of habit, and I expected him to be out.

The familiar doorman on duty allowed me entrance, making me think this would be an easy and quick visit to his apartment.

I should have known being apart for eighteen months would entail changes to people, but stupidly, I didn't. That was why I was shocked to see Edward opening the door of his apartment.

I gulped, momentarily confused as what to do. I had never expected, even for a second, he would be home. It was not in my plan for him to be home. _Jesus!_

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Jacob. Something he said made me make this decision. I wasn't here because I wanted to get together with Edward. I just wanted to drop off something important…the _painting_. It was something I had promised him I would finish for him, but never got the chance to do because of what had happened.

I had finally gotten around to make the finishing touches yesterday, and he was the first one I thought of. However much I wanted this picture of _his_ meadow I had painted, I couldn't keep it. Not to mention, it would also be something that would be a constant reminder of him, and that I couldn't have.

Making this trip was necessary to me. If I had known, however, there was a chance he would be here, I would have postponed.

But here I was in front of him, in this place where we had spent most of our time together. He had a house in one of the upscale neighborhoods, but chose to stay here during the weekdays. Technically, we never moved-in together, but it felt like it. I was here almost the same amount of time as he was.

From where I was standing, the place looked nothing like it was before I left. But who was I to judge? It was his place to decorate however he wanted.

I pushed away all the memories that crept up so unexpectedly. These thoughts annoyed me.

I was annoyed and agitated, making this whole awkward situation more difficult than it already was. My palms were sweaty, and I could feel my throat dry.

I hadn't said a word yet, just stood there stupidly outside his door, deciding on what to say. I was holding the big wrapped-up painting in my hands, and all I wanted was to hand it to him and run.

I was about to do just that when he opened the door a little more in an invitation. I looked at him tentatively, scared to go inside. Entering his apartment might lead to some kind of misunderstanding as to why I was really here.

_Why didn't I think about this plan better?_

Looking at Edward all scruffy and handsome was one perk out of all this madness, though. Edward smiled, and I felt my heart ramp up another notch.

Finally deciding there wasn't much choice, I stepped inside the big, spacious apartment, suddenly assaulted by the onslaught of memories. I tried not to panic, trying to some control of the emotions threatening to engulf me.

Just then, my cell phone started ringing. I ignored it, wanting to drop off my package quickly so I could go. Answering the call would mean another couple of minutes longer inside this room.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I looked for a place to put the painting. The tension was so thick, I could barely breathe. Ignoring it was also the best option.

My phone was still ringing, and it was making me more agitated. The insistent trilling sound against the silence was maddening. _Shit!_

The painting wasn't big, but it was hard to multi-task with it in my hands. I fumbled with it, and was finally able to set it down on the floor. I took out the phone from inside my jeans' pocket to cancel the call.

I was huffing as if I had run a mile long marathon. It seemed cancelling a call and putting down artwork was too much of a task for me.

There were a lot of things going through my mind at this very moment, but one thing I was certain of was I needed to have this conversation with him so I could finally go back to the safety of my own home. I took a long deep breath, hoping I would get this right.

Edward was staring at me with those piercing green eyes. It felt as if he was baring my soul with just one look, and it unnerved me.

"Ahmm…I'm sorry to drop in like this, but I had to give this to you." I looked down at the medium-sized canvas, hoping he immediately knew what was hidden behind the brown-colored paper wrapper.

"Is this what I think it is?" His eyes were suddenly full of emotion, and I was certain he knew what painting it was.

And now that he knew, I was suddenly afraid he wouldn't want it. I needed to get out of here.

"I don't want to bother you, so I'll just go."

"Please don't," he gasped. I raised my eyes to him, and saw he was pleading with me; to stay maybe, I wasn't sure. I didn't move, hoping to indulge him a bit.

He walked to where I placed the painting and slowly unwrapped the brown paper covering the piece of art.

I held my breath the whole time he was peeling back the paper.

I was scared to see his reaction…afraid to disappoint.

He loved that place, and I hoped I did it justice.

"_Oh, God, please don't let him hate it," _I thought.

The emotions reflecting from his eyes were all the assurance I needed.

He loved it, and I felt satisfied.

"You like it?" I couldn't help but ask. He nodded before his gaze returned to the painting of the meadow he so loved.

I smiled, my heart content at the expression of awe on his face.

I stayed quiet; just staring at him move his gaze from me to the painting and back again.

The ringing of my phone disrupted the moment of meaningful silence between us. The sound cut through the quietness of the whole room, startling both of us. I was kind of embarrassed by the way we were interrupted, and I was determined to chastise the caller for having done just that.

I didn't even have the chance to say hello before the voice of Jasper crackled through the speaker.

"Isabella, where are you?" His voice was so loud I could hear him even when I took the speaker away from my ear.

"I've been waiting for over half an hour for you! Did you forget we need to go to the W?"

"Oh, shit! Yes, I'll be there. See you in ten." I hung up the phone and looked apologetically to Edward. Somehow I felt relieved to escape this momentary spontaneity, which I could classify as insanity on my part.

"I…I have to go, Edward." I could see the disappointment on his face. I moved towards the door, and he followed.

"When can I see you?" I heard him say, and I felt the air whooshed out of me in surprise.

He was a stubborn man. I should have known better than to expect him to listen to my warning that he shouldn't come near me.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"You said we could be friends. Friends can go out, right?" He was staring at me, his eyes boring a hole through me with the intensity reflecting in them. "I want to take you out sometime…as friends, of course."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You know why."

"Edward, that's really not a good idea."

"You said that already."

"Because that's the truth! We already had this conversation before. I thought you understood my definition of _friends_," I argued. He had an eyebrow raised, and I knew he was challenging me. "I wanted us to be civil around each other and not bicker. I never meant to insinuate I wanted to have lunches and dinners together to reminisce about the past, or about a future. That's not happening, Edward, and you know it."

"Please." He looked so vulnerable, and I wanted nothing but to make it all right. I just didn't know how.

The sound of my phone saved me from giving him an answer.

"Jasper and I will be going to Lake Shore Drive. I really have to go, Edward."

At the mention of the place, Edward frowned. He didn't say anything though, just slid his hands inside the pockets of his pants, looking forlorn.

"Thank you," he said meekly. I knew my visit was something of a surprise to him, but it was anything but unwanted. Of that, I was sure.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Why are we here again?" I asked, scanning the room full of covered furniture. I scratched my nose of the itch the smell of dust caused.

I was fifteen when I saw this place last. After all these years, thirteen to be exact, I still couldn't be comfortable even staying inside it for just a minute. Too many memories I thought had been buried resurfaced when I saw the wrought iron gates of our old home. It's called the Whitlock Mansion, but Jasper and I just call it W.

The renovations were underway, and I could hear the distant sound of hammering. We fully intend to sell off the house after it was restored to its old glory. Jasper didn't see the need to keep it any longer. I had long wished to dispose of the house, but respected the wishes of my brother.

"I need you to see for sure you won't be regretting us selling this place," he said. This argument of his has gotten old.

"Me? Or maybe you're talking about yourself, dear brother. You know this place means more to you than it does to me."

I had been a teenager when I left this place to live with Jasper in one of our parent's upscale apartments. This mansion was too large for just the two of us after my mother died, not to mention the unwanted memories of both parents and their untimely death haunting us.

"Oh, shut up, Bella. Just go check to see if you see something you want to keep." Jasper walked over some boxes already packed on one side of the living room.

I doubted I would have left something here I wanted to keep.

The renovations hadn't started inside the house, so the interior design from thirteen years ago remained untouched. The whole living room looked the same from what I remembered.

The long staircase looked shorter though, and I chuckled. I touched the now paint-chipped banister, remembering the time when I made it my purpose to make good use of it. My mother hated when I used the stairs for sliding, and often found me doing just the opposite of what she demanded me not to do. I was a brat then. My defiance of my mother's authority came from knowing I was Daddy's favorite girl.

I was one spoiled little rich girl. Another time, I would have taken pride in that term, but not anymore.

Shaking my head, I refused to indulge in memories that were no longer significant. They were no longer important, or so I insisted to myself.

"Hey, Bella, wait up." Alice was beside me in a second, out of breath from climbing the stairs so quickly.

I lock my arm against hers as we continued the trek up the remaining steps. Alice had been my friend for a decade now. I had met her when I changed schools after my mother died. She was what I needed in a girlfriend, and had been a confidante ever since. She was always the bubblier of the two of us, but not everyone knew that. She is fierce and loyal, and has a lot of spunk not everybody could relate to. She also has this uncanny ability not to let things get her down. I love her the most because of this. No matter how bad the situation, she could always see something positive out of it.

We were both walking and giggling as we made our way to second floor of the house. The hallway was darker because there was no window to filter sunlight in. I tagged Alice, intending to visit my old room when I saw the big picture of my parents nestled in one corner of the hall.

I had forgotten it was there.

It was mesmerizing, enchantingly so, all I could do was stare at the faces I had missed so much.

All purpose of rummaging through my old stuff left me. The only thing important right now was to take in the features of my long-dead parents I thought I had forgotten, and bask in them.

_Oh, Daddy, I miss you so much!_

I felt somebody tugging my hand, but I stayed where I stood. The pull was stronger now, and I pulled my gaze away from the picture.

It was Alice, and she had a look of concern on her face. It was then I realized I was crying. I touched my wet cheeks and gave Alice a smile, reassuring her.

"It never was your fault what happened to them, Bella."

"Wasn't it?"

"Both Jasper and I know that. You have got to start believing that, too."

I just gave her a sad smile. It was easy for her to say. She wasn't the one who's life changed drastically when her father died or who was burdened by the constant nagging of her mother that she might have had something to do with her father dying. She wasn't the one who was repeatedly called upon as a spoiled brat who didn't think about anyone else but herself. And she wasn't the one who had found her mother dead after she had thrown a tantrum of epic proportions just because she could.

Even though they had told me my mother's death was an accident, it still wouldn't register in my conscience. If I wasn't giving her a hard time, she wouldn't have drank the oxycodone, an alternative oral medication for morphine, with a large quantity of alcohol that night. They had insisted the drug she induced was due to the pain the cancer gripping her body caused, which I only knew about after her death.

But even so, I felt guilty. I was to blame because I was a selfish brat, and they were dead because of me.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?"

"I'm alright, Ali," I whispered and laced my fingers between hers. "Let's go check out my room."

"Okay, let's," I heard her say, and I sighed. This was the reason I didn't come here all those years before.

This house reminded me of something I had lost and would never have again, and something much, much more.

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**Thank you for reading. =D**

**For those readers who didn't get a respond to their reviews, you might want to check if your private messaging is disabled. I always reply to reviews, so everyone should be getting one. Just sayin'.**

**Next chapter will be next week. See yah then. ;D**


	15. Chapter 15 Paint me good

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to my team, **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed. **You take my words and prettify them. =)

Any mistakes here are all mine.

* * *

**Chapter 15 – Paint me good**

I was staring at the painting Bella gave me. It was of the meadow I loved so much; the meadow which was a sacred ground for me. I had only ever brought Bella there. Even Rose didn't know about it. The beauty she had captured made me rethink of what my life was now, and how I got here.

I had nothing except a financial empire I really didn't need.

I ran my hand through my hair, putting out the last of my cigarette. I stood up and carefully arranged the already placed painting on the wall.

Honestly, I never thought Bella would ever finish this masterpiece. I had seen her first few strokes, which led me to believe she would make this into something amazing. However, she stopped at one point, leaving the painting unfinished. I had encouraged her to continue, but she was too adamant to pursue the project for reasons unknown to me. I had given up hope of ever seeing the meadow we frequented on a canvas.

Now it was in front of me, and what a fascinating work of art it was. She had captured the essence of the place – _my solace_ – on canvas. It looked so real I had to do a double take to check. It was truly an amazing piece. One I would cherish forever.

Bella was one hell of an artist; a force to be reckoned with when she would decide to fully concentrate on her craft.

My thoughts drifted back to her. She was here two hours ago, and I still had to put my head around it.

I took a deep breath, and I smelt her. Her scent lingered around my whole apartment, even hours after she had left.

Her visit was a major step not only for her, but also for me. It was a step toward something good. I could feel it.

I remembered the talk I had with Aro a few hours ago, before the whole surprising visit of Bella.

"I told you not to give up on the two of you. To go fight for her…not to hassle her, boy. But what you're doing…you're clouding her, suffocating her until she would finally need to get away from you."

"I don't do that!" I protested.

"Yes, you do." His words shut me up. Was I really suffocating Bella with my persistence?

"You should handle her with care. Didn't I tell you to woo her until she doesn't have anything more except you in her heart? You're being a stupid ass again!"

"Aro, you're making my head spin. You tell me to do this, then you change your advice when I tell you it doesn't work!" My frustration was obvious, and I hoped he heard it.

"Of course, I do, you dumb ass! We need to be ahead of the game. If it doesn't work, we have to change tactics in order to win."

"You're making me your fucking experiment, Aro, and I don't like it!"

"Shit, boy. Am I not helping you? Get that stick out of your ass, then call me again!"

He slammed the phone down. _Shit, he hung up on me! That insufferable old ass!_

I planned to let my anger simmer down before I called him back. There was no use arguing when we were both mad. But I didn't have to do that, because he called back after a few minutes.

"What now?"

"You listen, boy, and you listen good. You're stubborn, and right now I hate you for that! I know you're impatient to get Bella back. I know I would be too. But the thing is, she needs to see not how much you love her…because that's already a given…but how much you can defend that love against every fucking thing that comes your way."

"Not to see my…everything that came-What the fuck do you mean, Old Man? You're talking in circles again."

"If I was Bella, I'd definitely kick your pathetic ass! You're fucking dense, aren't you?"

"Keep on insulting me, and I'll be forced to hang up on you!"

"Do that, and you'll never hear me say anything to help you with Bella!"

I stayed quiet, knowing he would do just that. However stubborn I was, I needed his help. He was the only one I trusted, even though I was still having a hard time understanding.

"You have to make sure to let her in to see the love you keep professing to her is unbreakable! For example, kissing Tanya was definitely one of the things you could have avoided, because even if you loved…love Bella…keeping that love and not betraying her in any way is a choice! It's always a choice! Did you get that, boy?"

Somehow I did. "Yes."

"Finally! I thought I was yapping all this mushy stuff and shit, and you're still clueless."

"What do I do now?"

"Now that you finally got some shit on that brain, you'll eventually know what to do."

"What the hell? You're just leaving me with that…that advice?"

"Yes, I know you can do it."

"After all that shit about me not understanding, and now I finally got some of what you said…you'll leave me to think about the other stuff?"

"Yes, Edward. You're a fucking genius…and I have faith in you."

"Aro, what the hell are you-

"Make me proud. Call me when you got her back, okay?"

Before I could even argue, he had hung up on me again. This time though, I wasn't angry. Surprisingly, I was relieved to have had that weird talk with Aro.

My conversation with him had given me some new perspective about Bella. I had considered James as one of the reasons why she couldn't take me back. I had even thought telling her I loved her would make everything all right. Never in my wildest dream did it occur to me, after all the groveling and professing I did, that Bella just didn't want me back; that distancing herself to me was a choice she had made for herself. I never expected that.

I was one naïve shit!

And it had taken an old eccentric man, albeit intelligent, to make me realize it.

_What does that say about me?_ Crazy stupid. That was what I was.

I wondered where Aro got all these insights. Maybe being a billionaire made him an expert on everything, including love.

I shook my head and chuckled on that thought. I never could imagine Aro being in love with a woman. He loved women, but could never stay in a permanent relationship. Somehow I felt he didn't want me to follow in his footsteps where women were concerned. He didn't actually say those words, but pushing me to get back to Bella meant he treasured what I had with her. I wanted to believe because he loved me, he loved Bella, too.

_Bella. _

I took another deep breath, and the sweet smell of Bella came rushing back. Her presence in this apartment only two hours ago made me melancholy. If I could make her a permanent fixture here again, I wouldn't ask for anything more…maybe her marrying me.

Her visit, ironically, satiated my want to be with her. Temporarily, that is.

Aro was right. I had to handle this slowly, smoothly and carefully. Slow but sure was the way to go.

I scratched my chin, wishing I could have hugged her earlier. I missed her - my carefree, feisty Bella.

To be honest, her abrupt departure left me somewhat bewildered, but somehow I couldn't fault her. I wasn't her priority like she was mine. Besides, her visit gave me something to hope for.

When she had mentioned she needed to go to W, I was tempted to follow her. I was curious as to why she and Jasper had to go there after years of not visiting the place that haunted her. The thought of Bella hating me more for showing up there prevented me from hauling my ass to their old house.

Aro would kick my ass if I fucked this up again, and this time I would let him.

Patience was never a virtue of mine. I was always restlessly eager for everything. But if waiting meant I could have Bella, then by all means, I would be patient.

I wouldn't die during the wait.

Hopefully I wouldn't.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen," I heard my secretary Jessica say. I was still on the phone with Tyler Crowley, the hedge fund manager who was convincing me to invest in some funds, and held up a finger for her to wait.

She looked anxious, so I ended the call with Tyler as soon as I could.

"What is it, Jess?"

"Sir, there's someone here for you." The distress across her face alerted me it would be somebody she had a bad encounter before; someone I probably didn't like.

"Well, who is it, Jessica?"

"It's your grandfather, Sir." Her face was flushed, and I knew why she looked petrified. Carlisle insulted her the last time he was here.

I sighed, not really in the mood to deal with my grandfather. But knowing him, he would just pester everyone and badger them until he could get to me. It was better if I talked to him now, before he could do any damage.

"Let him in. Just don't say anything to aggravate him, okay?" Jessica nodded her head, automatically agreeing it was the best option for her. Carlisle was one arrogant son of a bitch, someone Jessica still hadn't mastered the art of dealing with.

A few minutes later, Jessica came back ushering Carlisle into my office. Jessica looked panicked, while he looked irritated.

"I hate being left to wait." He sat in front of me, looking as if he needed an explanation as to why he had to wait even for a second in an office that wasn't his. Such a pompous ass! That was what he was.

I held my tongue, not wanting to rile him up. An angry Carlisle would mean longer conversation, and I didn't want that. I needed him to say what he wanted to say so he could leave.

"Does that stupid secretary of yours know she needs to bring us coffee?" Jessica had left the second Carlisle stepped into my office. My grandfather was one intimidating man, but I was used to the likes of him, so his arrogance didn't come as a shock anymore.

"Did you come here to drink coffee or to talk?" I refused to indulge him. It was best for him to know he couldn't get what he wanted by pushing me or anybody working for me. The sooner he knew that, the better.

I always thought my grandfather knew he couldn't make me his puppy. But from his look of surprise, it seemed I could still shock him. We were two peas in the same pod, both proud and arrogant bastards. Maybe we really are family.

I chuckled at the thought. If it weren't so funny, I would have choked on the disgust I felt whenever I had some thoughts associating me with them, especially him.

"Very well," Carlisle said flatly, finally relenting. My obvious stubbornness matched his. This wasn't a social call, not for me. So there was no obligation on my part to make him feel good.

"I came here because I wanted to ask for your help." He looked unsure for a few seconds, before he put the wall back up.

I raised my eyebrow in question. "This is a first," I said dryly. I wanted to laugh at the hilarity that my grandfather actually needed some help, especially from me.

"It's Riley." The mention of my cousin piqued my interest. Riley was the only Cullen I could probably someday call my family. Not that I liked him, I didn't even know him, but there was something about my cousin that had me curious…or interested.

"Are you really asking me for my help? I couldn't really believe that, Carlisle."

"I told you I wanted you to call me grandfather." My answer was a snort. He really had the audacity to come into my office and order me around.

"So, C-a-r-l-i-s-l-e…what is this business with Riley you're so concerned about that you're really willing to stoop down to ask me for some help?"

He seemed to realize I wouldn't be calling him the endearment anytime soon…or in the near future for that matter. His lips pursed in irritation, but he didn't say anything more.

He was never my grandfather and never would be.

Carlisle clasped his hands together and leaned forward from his chair to look me closer in the eyes. He seemed determined now.

"Riley needs some guidance, Son. He's a good kid, and I had high hopes he would be as good as you in anything business related."

Him mentioning the term _son_ made me cringe. I wasn't comfortable with him calling me that, but I let it pass. It was only Aro I allow to call me that…only him.

I grimaced, hating Carlisle more for trying to woo me over to his family. It wouldn't happen. I didn't need them, and his gesture of being concerned for me, if it was really true, which I doubt it was, was too late. There was nothing left to mend for us.

His attempt for some kind of reconciliation between us amused me. That was why I allowed him to visit me in this office from time to time. I had the power now to bar him if I really wanted to. But I was bored, so Carlisle and his family's woes were kind of an entertainment for me now.

"Why me? Isn't that what you're good at?"

Carlisle was a fail in being a good grandfather to me, but he was an excellent businessman. Anybody could attest to that. And as I have said, I didn't want to be a part of their family…in any way. I hated them, with the exception of Riley. I kind of like the kid, from what I had seen of him. He seemed like a good person. I could agree with my grandfather on that.

"He looks up to you, and I thought you might want to bond with him in some way, Edward."

I frowned. I didn't like this. My grandfather was definitely scheming, and I wasn't sure whether my cousin was in on it or not.

"No." My word rang throughout the room forceful and final.

Carlisle looked defeated, but he masked it right away.

"You're a fucking selfish man, you know that, don't you?" he spat. His words angered me, but I wouldn't allow him to see it. Better to throw it back to him like a slap on the face.

"Not more than you are," I hissed at him. He looked taken aback, but recovered quickly.

"Edward-"

"I said NO! I also know you have plans to keep throwing Tanya my way," I cut him off. "But that ship had sailed a long time ago. There won't be anything for you to use against me where she is concerned…so fucking stop whatever the hell your crooked mind had conjured up that involves the both of us."

He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. His nostrils were flaring, and his face was flushed. His whole face just gave away what I had suspected all along.

"You don't want me angry, Carlisle. I'm a dangerous adversary."

"Are you threatening me?" His face was so red now, I was afraid he would have a heart attack.

"No. I'm just stating a fact."

"Do you think I am afraid of someone like you? Someone who just made his millions and thinks he could crush Carlisle Cullen?" His laugh was intimidating, and if I was the boy I was before, I would have been sacred.

But not anymore.

I stood up, and placed my hands flat on the desk and looked at him.

"I don't think you are…yet. But when you experience my wrath, Carlisle…you will be."

That shut him up fast.

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**Edward should kick Carlisle's ass. I would. lol**

**Thank you all for reading. ;)**


	16. Chapter 16 FY, Em!

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to my team, **_A__ Jasper For Me_** and** HMPObsessed. **You take my words and prettify them. =)

Any mistakes here are all mine.

I was supposed to update after I post the remaining chapters of MP, but I had this chapter already written and had just completely forgotten about it. So here it is.

Enjoy! =D

* * *

**Chapter 16 – FY, Em!**

"Isn't it nice to be doing this?" Emmett asked, his voice teasing.

"Shut up, Man. You're such a douche."

He puckered up his lips in an attempt to kiss me. I pushed him away, knowing he had no qualms in doing just that. "I don't want to even think California might have changed your sexual preference. Being gay is not you, my man."

"I'm only gay for you, Cullen."

"Fuck you."

"I'm trying here, but you're shooting me down!" His eyes were alit with laughter, and I couldn't help join in this banter.

"Isn't LA missing you or something?"

"Of course they do. So many babelicous chicks would die if I didn't go back."

"More like, you would die if Rose found out how many chicks you fucked."

I saw his jaw tense, knowing I hit a nerve. He was always seen with chicks on his arms, and that was one of the reasons why he and Rose couldn't move forward with their relationship. He seemed to be reluctant to be serious about her, and Rose being perceptive, kept him at a distance. They were dancing around each other's feelings, and I wasn't oblivious to that fact. If I weren't too preoccupied with my own issues, I would have pointed it out to them. But as they say, who was I to preach? It would be like the kettle calling the pot black.

I sighed. I wasn't really in the mood to be discussing or even be thinking about romance right now. Acting as if I didn't know I had hit some nerve, I nonchalantly draped my arm on the open window and looked out at the passing cars. Traffic was light at this hour, and Emmett seemed to be hell bent on overtaking cars that blocked our way.

"Where are we going?" I asked. This wasn't the way to his house, and he had promised me he would bring me to his newest pad.

Just after my grandfather left, Emmett had called and told me he wanted to see me. I was surprised to hear from him, expecting him to be somewhere in Mexico for his newest flick, but he said it was postponed, allowing him a bit longer stay in Chicago.

"Just shut up, and let me drive, okay?" he said, giving me a glance before returning his attention back to the road. "You're too damn uptight. And to think I'm the one who the fucking paps are after."

"There are far less of those hungry leeches here than in LA. I checked, nobody's following you."

"I know. These fuckers are so infuriating!"

"Hah! I don't believe you would like them to entirely go away though. You just want them at a distance."

"Damn, Eddie Boy. You know me so well, I should bring you to LA with me, and we could shack up. I think you're my soul mate." He batted his lashes at me like a fucking girl.

"I don't want to be a hindrance to your lifestyle. I don't want to take away the idol, which most of the women masturbate to. Shit, I shudder just at that thought."

"Well, aren't you jealous? You maybe prettier than me, but I got the body to die for." I gave him the finger, and he chuckled.

Having Emmett around ensured my day wasn't boring. He was just as conceited as he was when we were in boarding school. His choice of profession was perfect for him.

"Does Rose know you're in Chicago?" I asked him.

"Of course. I even gave her a visit," he said sheepishly and wiggled his eyebrow at me, "before I came to get you. You get what I mean, right? I don't need to have to explain it to you, but I could if you want me to."

Emmett was the kind of person not ashamed to talk about his life, and that included the sex part.

"So does this mean you two are back together again? This on-off thing you have with her is making my fucking mind go crazy. I'm not really sure what this shit between you is."

"Ask her; she's your friend too."

"I will not. Rose would kick my ass if I did."

"Yeah, she would," he said, grinning.

"So are you two an item again?"

"Of course, we are. She couldn't resist me."

"I hoped she'd kicked your balls."

"Do you think I would allow her to do that?"

"It's not a matter of if you would have allowed her to do that to you. If she wanted to, then she would have found a way. Kicking your balls would be an easy task for her."

His laughter filled the car. He made a right turn before he gave me a grin.

"She did something else to my balls, dude, and it was fucking amazing," he said.

_Shit, here comes his sexcapade stories_. "Just…just stop it right there. I don't want you talking about your sex life with her. It's fucking gross."

"Says you."

"Yeah, says me, you moron. She's like a sister to me, and I don't want to have a picture etched in my brain of what you two are doing to each other."

"You're just jealous you're not getting any."

He laughed at his statement, but I stayed quiet. His words sent me back to that amazing night I had with Bella a few weeks ago in Washington. He turned to check on me, sensing my silence. He slapped my arm, getting my attention.

"Oww, you're such a fucking asshole, Em!"

"I know that look. Did you get laid while I wasn't here...by someone I know?"

He knew me too well. He knew if I did fuck someone who wasn't Bella, I wouldn't have this kind of reaction to his earlier statement. I would have just brushed it off with indifference, just like I did with other women.

"Spill, man. You know you can talk to me." He was concerned, and it showed on his face.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"I slept with Bella."

"Why am I not surprised? Hmm…but isn't she married, Ed?"

"Yeah, I fucking know. But it doesn't matter to me. I told her I want to be with her regardless of her marriage. I want so badly to be with her; I would snatch her away if I could."

"Getting Bella back is something that is doomed for failure. Isn't she supposed to be off limits?"

I growled, hating his negativity. I shouldn't have said anything because I knew he would say this.

"Fuck, man. I thought you said you wanted me to talk…so here I am, talking to you! About Bella!"

He saw my aggravation and gave me a consolatory smile.

"Okay…fuck! Sorry. I didn't mean….shit! yeah, you can talk to me."

I took a long deep breath, hoping to let go of my brewing anger.

"So, what did she say the morning after you had sex?" I heard him ask.

"That she only wants to be friends. I told her I love her, but I'm not sure she still feels the same way."

Thinking about her made my chest constrict, reminding me of the pain her rejection caused. I knew I shouldn't blame her, because I did all this to us…to myself.

She might have brought the painting to me, and I might interpret that kindness for something else. But the fact remained we were nothing, not even friends, but acquaintances…acquaintances that fucked each other.

"Oh, I think she still loves you, Edward."

Emmett's words cut into my musing, perking me up a little. The need to press for information about what he just said was great, but I knew I had to be patient. He would blurt it out, of that I was sure.

I stayed silent, encouraging him to expound on that statement. He gave me a tentative glance, and my curiosity won.

"You think so, Em?"

"Listen, I'm not sure if this will help." My heart started thundering against my chest. "But during Jasper's wedding…well, Bella looked amazing, as she usually does. You already know she didn't bring James, which to me was very weird. I already told you this," he said, giving me another glance as he continued to maneuver the car. "Anyway, that girl is gorgeous and as expected men flocked to her side."

The mention of other men trying to make a pass at Bella made me tense. I was jealous.

"However, she never once mentioned to the men who flirted with her that she was married. I remembered thinking it was weird of her not to dissuade them." He glanced at me, as if assessing my reaction. "I knew all this because I was sitting a seat away from her. She was having a good, carefree time until someone mentioned your name. Her demeanor suddenly changed, and she seemed disinterested in the attention the other dudes gave her. The simple mention of your name still affects her…and that my man told me she still feels something for you."

If only it were that simple. But still, I allowed myself hope with that revelation. Maybe he was right about it. No harm in having some encouragement.

"I sure fucking hope you're right. I want her back, Emmett."

"Then you get her back." This time he gave me a smile, and I knew it was genuine. Whatever was holding him back from supporting my quest to win Bella back seemed to have dissipated, and now he was being the cheerleader I had wanted him to be.

I was still riding on the high of this small triumph when I noticed the car completely halted. I turned to Emmett and saw he had unbuckled his seatbelt. I touched his arm, preventing him from sliding out of the car. I needed to ask him something that had been bothering me ever since Bella mentioned it.

"Em, do you know why Bella needed to go to W?" I asked.

Bella didn't ever go back to their childhood home since she left when she was a teen. It wasn't a secret to anyone close to her and Jasper.

"I think they're selling it, Edward. Jasper mentioned it to me."

"Really?"

This was news. Surprising, but very encouraging. This decision was a step forward for Bella. She had always loved her parents too much, but she had always believed she was never given the chance to show them how much. She even chose to use her mother's name _Swan_ instead of _Whitlock_, changing it when she got of legal age. Her biggest issue was with her mother, and I knew she never got over her death, thus taking on her name. I had always felt it was some kind of retribution or something like that, but Bella had insisted it served as a constant reminder to never take things for granted.

"Yes, Jasper said it was time for them to dispose of it."

He gave me a tentative glance, as if he wanted to say something but was deciding against it. He turned his attention momentarily away from me, enough to get the key from the ignition, and then faced me again.

"Jasper told me he saw you."

This surprised me. I had never thought Jasper would have mentioned that brief encounter. It was not as if it was a good reunion.

"So?"

"Nothing, man. He just said he saw you in Alice's office."

I snorted at that statement, shaking my head. I knew for sure Jasper would have said something insulting about me to him. I pushed the negative feeling that washed over me out of my mind and tried not to be affected by any of it. I should know better than now to expect Jasper's forgiveness. I doubt I would ever get that.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid out of the car. Emmett handed the key to the valet. I waited, intrigued to the reason why we were standing outside the newly opened and hippest nightclub in town.

I doubted he wanted to get trashed this early. Something told me he was here for something other than their alcohol.

"Don't tell me you plan to start drinking this early in the afternoon. That's not the Emmett I know, " I said.

"Be patient, my man. Everything will be revealed to you in time," he responded with a grin. "And don't think it didn't escape me that you're trying to change the topic of you and Jasper."

"Very perceptive of you," I said dryly.

"Edward, Jasper might hate you right now, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care."

I clenched my fists, trying hard not to punch Emmett. He was pushing me, and I wasn't in the mood.

"I thought you wanted me with you because you wanted to do something fun…not talk about Jasper."

He glanced at me, clearly trying to assess my mood. "You know, I really can't fathom how this happened between the two of you," he whispered, his voice sad. I stayed silent, knowing he really didn't want my answer.

"_It happened because I fucked up, and Jasper hated me for it_…_and I hate him for ditching me like my parents did_," I thought to myself.

"You, J and me…we go way back. We were like brothers…still are, if you ask me," he continued sadly. "I hate to see you two like this."

"Why can't you just shut up, Em? Just…just mind your own damn business," I grumbled. I tried not to let the bitterness and irritation show in my voice, but he still heard it.

He stopped walking and turned to me, crossing his arms while he stared. I mimicked his position and frowned at him.

"You know, I just have a little business to do here, then we can go somewhere and _talk_." He emphasized the last word, telling me he was serious about talking.

"Emmett, I don't want-"

"I'm one of your best friends! You better tell me everything I wanna know, Edward, or I'm going to kick your ass. Don't forget, I'm a movie star. I do all my own stunts, and I could easily kick your ass!"

He pushed me, and I stumbled backwards. When I regained my footing, I stepped forward and pushed him…but it didn't do anything to him. His position didn't alter. He smirked and pushed me again. This time, I almost tumbled down to the ground.

"Fuck!" I steadied myself and faced him again. Even though he still had his smirk on, I knew he was serious about all this.

"So what do you say, Edward?" He took a step forward when I remained silent, clearly intending to push me again until I would agree.

"Fine!"

He gave me a grin, knowing he won this round.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Jesus, I'm never ever gonna drink again!" Emmett whined, as the nurse attended to the cut on his hand. His grimace was one for the books. I wished someone could take a picture so I could use it in the future as a kind of blackmail.

He happened to accidentally break the glass of scotch earlier that caused the big wound across his palm. He was so inebriated; he didn't feel the pain initially, not until he saw the blood on the counter.

His celebrity status allowed us to be entertained the moment we entered the hospital. The only problem was, by now it would have hit the news, and no doubt some of the reporters would be camping outside this hospital.

"Shit, stop doing that!" I heard Emmett shriek. I turned around to see him trying to pull his hand away from the doctor, who now replaced the nurse in holding his hand.

"Look, if you don't want your hand to be poorly stitched, Mr. McCarty, then please refrain from moving around." The doctor's voice was stern enough to get his attention.

He nodded for the doctor to continue the stitching. He looked so pale, and his eyes darted to me for help.

As if I could do anything. I just shrugged and exited the room, not wanting to see more of Emmett's squirming and shrieking. The amount of alcohol I had induced was making my head spin and I needed some air to clear it.

The hallway was surprisingly empty. Distant voices made me turn to look at a couple sitting at the far end of the hall. Something about the way she moved made my heart elevate.

I slowly made my way towards them, my shoes making soft 'thudding' sounds on the tiled floor. As I neared, I was certain that the woman sitting with her hand clasped tightly with another man's was Bella.

Even before I could call her, she turned around and faced me. The look of surprise on her face was evident, but the tears brimming in her eyes were what caught my attention.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

She looked so tired and I wanted so badly to comfort her. I was about to move closer when I saw James. It was like cold water was doused onto me, waking me up from some kind of a dream, a dream where Bella was mine and not his.

I clenched my fists, knowing I was itching to ram them up his throat, simply because she married him.

"Emmett…he's inside. He cut his hand," I said, trying to hide my irritation of this very awkward situation.

I knew I should go now before I could do something stupid, but my desire to know why she was here after midnight made me so curious…and scared.

"Bella, why are you here?" My voice was steady, and I was proud. My emotions were going haywire again, now that she was this close.

She turned to James and whispered something to him. I waited, trying to understand what was going on. James gave her a smile before going back inside a room.

"Edward, I need to tell you something."

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**More?**

**Updates will be frequent once I finish MP, which will happen before this month/year ends.**

**Thanks for reading. =D**


	17. Chapter 17 Confusion

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to **_A__ Jasper For Me_****. **You take my words and prettify them. =) Any mistakes here are all mine, however.

Sorry it took me quite a while to update...was trying to finish MP. One more chapter to go, then I'll have more time to update this frequently. *waggles eyebrow*

Anyway, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 17 – Confusion**

"_Is he okay?"_

"_No, he's not. We don't even know if he would live another week." _

"_I'm sorry, Bella."_

"_James is Jacob's boyfriend."_

"_What?" I asked, confused._

"_James is gay."_

"_Are you fucking with me, Bella?"_

"_No," she answered softly._

"_Shit!"_

"_So you mean he isn't really your husband?"_

"_James and I are legally married, Edward, but it's only on paper."_

"_Why?"_

"_He needs to be here with Jake. To take care of him." _

"_Why are you telling me this?"_

_It took her a few minutes to answer, but when she did, it was like a punch in my gut. "I promised Jake I'd tell you." _

"_Is that the only reason?"_

"_Yes."_

I had left the hospital a few hours ago, but still Bella's words echoed through my head. It was like a foreign language to me, hearing but never fully comprehending. I wasn't even sure how to react to what she had said. I wanted to be happy about the news because what was what I had wanted…wished for, but truthfully I couldn't, especially at the expense of someone else's misery. I had been too damn selfish for so long. And even though I desperately wanted to say it didn't matter that I was thinking of myself again and my happiness was what mattered most, I couldn't. No matter how much my heart wanted to feel relief about the real status of James and Bella's marriage, I couldn't feel anything to be fucking happy about.

Jacob was sick. And the only reason Bella told me about the faux romance between James and her was because of her promise to Jacob. Not because she wanted me to know…but because she had some sort of obligation to a dying friend.

Fuck!

As I looked at the blackness in front of me, in my now very dark living room, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell I was supposed to do next.

Bella. She had always been my motivation, even when she was pushing me away. But for the first time since I knew her, I didn't know what to do about my love for her.

Maybe it was time for me to give up.

_Shit!_

Everything's crumbling before my eyes. Every goddamn thing!

I grabbed the remote and hurled it against the wall. I heard the gadget smash, not really seeing where it hit.

My heart raced. My fury raged.

Goddamn, I was so fucking confused!

Inhale. Exhale. I needed to get control of myself.

I quickly jumped from my seat and grabbed the keys of my car. I needed to get close to Bella as much as I could, the way I only knew how.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It was fucking cold. The heater in my car warmed my skin but not my heart. It had been almost one week since I saw Bella with James in the hospital, and here I was…stalking again.

I had been lurking outside her apartment building. It had been like this for a few days now. It was like déjà vu from that time I did the same thing to her outside the small, quaint restaurant she worked in Washington.

She would hate me more if she knew I wasn't staying away.

How could I? If I knew how, I would.

This was the only thing I could do to get near her. I was fucking tired of all this, but I just couldn't let go for some reason.

Emmett even reinforced what I already know – that nothing good would come out of my creepy stalking. He believed Bella would not like it if she found out. He said I should just be ecstatic Bella's marriage was some kind of a sham to help out Jacob, and slow down.

I didn't tell him why it didn't make me happy; he wouldn't understand. He couldn't know Bella's admittance shattered all my hopes of getting her back. He wouldn't know how it fucking hurt.

Emmett went back to LA this morning reminding to get Bella back.

How could I when all the fight in me was gone? I was numb. It was like I was eight years old again. I was lost…confused.

Maybe Bella would get angry when she sees me lurking yet again, but I just needed to see her, even from afar.

As I sat inside my car tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, the silence engulfed me. I tried to put on some music, but the melody just irritated me more. So here I was…alone and silent, except for the emotions battling inside me.

A car stopped, and out came Bella. I strained my neck to see her closer, but she quickly dashed inside the building.

I sighed, knowing I wouldn't see her again tonight. My nightly visits would wind down when I knew she was home from the hospital, either alone or with James; checking a particular window I knew was her room, waiting until her lights were off before I went home.

I wasn't really sure if she knew I was here every night, just like in Washington. Never once did she glance my way all the nights I sat here longing for her, for what we were, for what we could have been.

I wasn't even sure whether I wanted her to know I was here. _What was the fucking point? _It was clear she didn't want me anymore. No matter how much I would fight for us, I still couldn't win. Not with her against me…against us.

Maybe one of these days I could learn to finally accept that, just not now. My brain was screaming for some resolution from all the confusion, but I need a little time to wallow in the pain.

I could let go after that. I would try. It was time, I think.

_Goddamn!_ Just thinking about it felt like I couldn't breathe.

Long, deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale.

The temporary relief of seeing her, even from afar, was what drove me to keep coming back. I just needed to feel the connection we used to have, though it was most likely non-existent at this point.

I was still gazing out at the window of her apartment when suddenly I heard the car door open. The sound made me jump from my seat. I turned and was surprised to see Bella. She just stood there staring at me. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her face was pale, waiting for me to invite her in.

My pulse had quickened. Something about her demeanor and the blank expression on her face doused my excitement of her initiating this contact.

I smiled and motioned for her to get in. Once inside, she just sat silently, staring blankly in the space in front of her as if I wasn't there with her. She had her arms around her waist, like she was comforting herself. I wanted so badly to know what happened, but I was scared to say something because it might make her go. So I remained quiet, just waiting on her. We sat there what seemed like hours, me just waiting for her to speak while she was lost in her own thoughts. I knew there was something wrong, but I was afraid to ask.

"Bella," I whispered.

She turned to face me, and the pain I could see in her eyes was undeniable. Her eyes started to water, and I couldn't stop myself from pulling her to me. I needed to comfort her, but she pushed me away, denying my offer of comfort.

Reluctantly, I moved closer to my side of the door, wanting to put a little more space between us. I could see her arms wrap around her again, and she had her eyes on me. Her emotions were reflecting in them - pain, confusion, determination; I could see them all.

I was about to ask her what happened, but she spoke first.

"Do you still want me?"

I wasn't sure if I heard her right.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You heard me. Do you still want me?" Her words shocked me, and I was unable to answer right away. I didn't know if it was a trick question or not.

"Do you?" she asked again, her brows raised now in irritation.

"You know I do," I answered, my heart racing now; I was afraid it would burst from my chest.

"Then you can have me." Her voice was dry…flat. But it was the anger I could hear in her tone that alerted me something was very wrong. "Let's go."

"What?" I asked again. I wasn't really sure what to do.

"Dammit, Edward! If you don't want what I'm offering then I should go. Nothing for me here," she snapped. She started to open the passenger door, and I panicked. I touched her arm, stopping her from going; not wanting her to think I didn't want her.

"Are you going to bring me to your home Edward, or what?"

I nodded, and she settled back on her seat. I couldn't afford for her to go, not yet. Not when I didn't know what was happening.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" I asked, pertaining to her being inside my car willingly, and not to what I think she was offering. Although, I wasn't sure how much she was really here of her own free will, I was still a little giddy that she was. Truthfully, I was afraid to have her answer my question. I wanted her to say yes, but it was clear she was agitated about something. My conscience prickled, telling me to just stay put and not give into my desire to please her. However, the greater part of me that wanted to give her everything won, and I gunned the engine after she gave me one last pleading look.

She seemed determined to spend the night with me. I had to know the reason behind it. Something about the way she handled this was unnerving, and I would get to the bottom of this before the night ended. I would make sure of that.

* * *

**Next chapter...hopefully next week. *crosses fingers*. If not then it'll definitely be the week after.**

**Thank you for reading. =) Review pls.**


	18. Chapter 18 You offer you

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

Thank you to **_A__ Jasper For Me_****. **You take my words and prettify them. =) Any mistakes here are all mine, however.

This is short, but I opted to post instead of changing and adding some things, which would have taken a week or so.

Happy reading!

* * *

**Chapter 18 – You offer you**

The silence was deafening. If it wasn't for Bella sharing it with me, I would suffocate in the eeriness of it.

I glanced her way. She was still staring blankly in front of her; her hands twisting around each other. She was still pre-occupied with whatever was on her mind and was just sitting idly. Maybe she wasn't aware I had parked a few minutes ago.

The lingering fear of what was to come crept through me, enough to make me prolong the agony of not knowing what was wrong with her.

I would follow her lead. If she would step out of the car, I would do the same. And if she wanted to go inside my apartment, the same one we had unofficially shared before, then that was what we would do.

"Bella." Another few minutes had passed of her not moving, and I could no longer wait. She might be in shock, and I wanted to be sure.

Upon hearing my voice, she slowly turned her gaze to me. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and I was tempted to reach out and hold her. Not wanting her to think that I was taking advantage, I did the next best thing I could think of.

"Do you want to go inside?" I asked softly.

She didn't answer right away, but instead, turned to see that we were on the exclusive parking lot of my building. She was familiar with it, and I was hoping she wouldn't freak out. When she nodded her head in agreement, I didn't know whether to be relieved or be fucking scared.

I didn't have time to open her door like I planned to because she was out of the car even before I was. We made our way silently up to the 9th floor without a word to each other. I was dying to know what this was all about. Bella was clearly upset about something, and I didn't know how to ask her.

I was somewhat happy she thought about me during this time of distress, and a little hopeful because she might still actually care about me. I wish with all my heart that was so.

Once the door of my apartment closed, I got another fucking surprise. I was not even halfway to my living room when Bella attacked me. Her hands were all over me, and she was kissing me. Her lips on my skin were like fire, and I missed them on me.

As hard as it was to reject her this way, however, I needed to push her away. She was making me the scapegoat to her problems, and I didn't like it one bit. Disentangling her arms around me was difficult, but once she realized what I was doing, the look of shock on her face couldn't be concealed. I was even amazed at the restraint I showed, because damn I wanted her so fucking badly. However, my desire to have her again didn't include me being an excuse to escape whatever pained her.

The shocked expression on her face changed to shame then to anger. It wasn't my intention to insult her. I started to explain, but she stopped me.

"If you have no intention of taking up my offer, you shouldn't have invited me here," she spat. She was shooting daggers at me, and I tried to remain calm.

"_She's just agitated,"_ I thought to myself.

As expected, she started to move towards the door, where I had situated myself, preventing her from leaving. I had no intention of moving any time soon.

She was staying, and we were going to talk.

"Edward, move!" she spat. I raised my brow in challenge, and that made her angrier. She started pushing me, but her efforts were to no avail since I stayed where I was. She was hysterical at this point, and I just stood there taking everything; even when she started beating my chest.

"Why don't you move? I fucking hate you! Just let me leave!" she yelled, looking deranged with anger. I grabbed her to me, trying to soothe her. Her small fists were still pounding wherever she could hit them, and I didn't say anything. "Goddammit, move! I can't do this. Just let me go!"

She was sobbing, and my heart clenched from her cries.

"I'm sorry," I cried gruffly, holding her tightly to me. I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for – the cause of her acting this way, or preventing her departure from my apartment – even if it wasn't because of me.

"I'm so fucking sorry," I repeated, kissing her hair. Or maybe I was apologizing for all the pain I, myself, caused her.

I held her until her sobs quieted down, making me relax a bit. She slumped against me, letting me know the drive to continue this madness had left her. When I carried her bridal-style toward my bedroom, she didn't protest, not even when I laid her down on my bed. Her hands gripping my shirt didn't loosen, however, and I took it as a sign not to leave her.

"Bella, is this okay?" I couldn't help ask. I didn't want her to hate me more than she already did.

"Yes, stay with me," she whispered so softly. I smiled in reassurance. She just stared at me through her lashes that were still wet from her recent sobbing; she looked so tired.

I reached to caress her cheek. "Sleep, my Bella. I'll never leave you," I said.

"Thank you," she whispered back, before closing her eyes to finally succumb to her exhaustion.

I stayed with her until I knew she was already asleep. I called Alice to tell her where Bella was. As expected, she was frantic. They had been looking for her everywhere for a few hours now. I assured her Bella was fine and already sleeping, and would appreciate if they would come and get her after she had some decent sleep, which clearly she needed. I promised to call once Bella was awake. She agreed reluctantly, knowing I was right.

Once the call was done, I returned to Bella's side, wrapping my arms around her. I couldn't resist caressing her cheeks, loving the way she sighed at my touch. My Bella had gone through so much in the last few days, and it showed on her face…in her eyes.

Alice informed me that Jacob had died.

Now I understood why she was so distraught. A little pang of jealousy shot through me at the thought of the difference between her reactions when she lost me and when she lost Jacob. It was there, the small tinge of pain of knowing Jacob was more to her than I was. But I was not angry, not any more.

I wanted to make everything right so she no longer suffered. Even if that meant I had to let her go.

Tomorrow, we would talk.

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**Jacob is dead. That's why Bella's devastated. **

**Next chapter will have some revelations that would change both their lives. So s****ee yah next update! =)**


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